


The Real You

by sunsetrose20



Series: The Real You [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, M/M, POV Thor (Marvel), Past Lives, Rebirth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:54:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23606371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetrose20/pseuds/sunsetrose20
Summary: After the events of the Avengers, Loki is reborn as a mortal baby as punishment. Thor, who definitely is not hoping that the next mop of black hair he sees turns out to be Loki, tries to follow his father's wishes. But when Loki pops back in his life by effectively saving one of the Avengers and a group of civilians, how can Thor let his brother continue to think that he is a mortal, bound to die in less than a century?
Relationships: Loki & Thor (Marvel), Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Series: The Real You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1824250
Comments: 25
Kudos: 124





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, yeah, I'm back. I think I figured out where I was going with this although I haven't been very motivated to finish it, so it's probably going to be a little jerky. I wanted to give it an ending anyway. 
> 
> Thoughts, ideas, comments, and constructive criticism are always welcome.

Pale skin, high cheekbones, vibrant green eyes, wavy black hair – it was all there. As far as Thor could see, everything was there, just like it should be, right down from the angular face to the lanky frame. There were millions of humans with the same features, too many for Thor to care, but none were like this one. None held such uncanny resemblance to the one he once called brother. Not like this one. Surely, Thor could not be going against his father's command if it was Loki who found him. Happenstance, many would claim, but not Thor. This was a sign from the Norns, a second chance, for Loki did not belong amongst mortal men.

_ You will not look for him. He will be reborn as a mortal with no memories of Asgard to lead the way. His body will be susceptible to the same afflictions plaguing mortal men, and you will not interfere even if he falls prey to ill health. If he perishes, it will because the Norns have willed it so. _

That was his father's decree, naturally directed at Thor after his vehement disagreement had been voiced upon finding his brother’s cell to be empty. His mother had supported his father's decisions, and so had Heimdall with his refusal to send Thor to Earth via Bifröst after it was reconstructed. When Heimdall lost sight of Jane, he had had no other choice, but with trying to save the world which now housed his brother, there had been no time for personal affairs. Thor's later visits, which included the time Loki's scepter was found and an Asgardian army dispatched to aid in the fight against the Mad Titan, had been the same. Thor had barely had enough time to visit Jane and be updated on the Avengers' status before being whisked away to Asgard. Eventually, his father had tired of the constant disagreements over the dinner table and exiled him to Midgard once more for an indefinite amount of time. Fortunately, this time Thor was not stripped of his powers, making this exile more of a “timeout” than a punishment. It also meant that Thor could be said to have a purpose for his prolonged stay – “Giving back to the community,” the Young Spider called it.

Not all humans were happy with Thor's presence. Many said they didn't need another so-called hero, and a few said the self-proclaimed god was an insult to the real God, a concept Thor repeatedly failed to grasp. To tell the truth, the situation reminded Thor of Loki. After his brother's failed attempt to conquer Earth and the claims of godhood he uttered during his brief stay, without mentioning the very near decimation at the hands of Thanos’, the humans had more than reasonable excuses for being wary of outsiders. Despite what that might lead one to believe, the polls indicated that Thor remained as one of the most popular and well-liked Avengers, often following Natasha and Stark in their non-profit campaigns that really just gave Thor a chance to look for Loki without actually looking for Loki. This was a vast planet, after all. What were the odds?

Nevertheless, it seemed Loki had managed to find his way back to Thor.

It began as a typical glorious day that ended with the customary “It was a normal day until...” One never knew how the day would end, Thor often heard during their disaster relief campaigns, but at least one could count on settling in for bed at night until… even if one woke up, ate breakfast, and dropped one’s kids off at school like any other day.

So, a normal day, sun shining through the window, breakfast ruckus interrupted by a call to assemble. The villain: unidentified.

“I'll go with you,” Thor told Steve and Natasha before heading out in search of Mjölnir instead of making another dent in one of Stark's walls as the man shouted, “Hell, yeah!”

Thor exited the room to the sound of Pepper's voice trying to explain to Stark what “retirement" meant even as their daughter cheered, “Go, daddy!”

Their foe, unfortunately another young man with unlicensed access to equipment made of both human and alien technology, was fairly easy to subdue. Privately, Thor thought that four Avengers was a little overkill, as did some humans, but as the Midgardian expression went: Better safe than sorry. While Stark and Thor distracted the man, Steve and Natasha ensured the civilians got to relative safety, but that didn't stop the man from wildly aiming in Natasha’s direction before being apprehended.

Thor's heart stopped. He couldn't help it; it couldn't be.

A green bubble encompassed Natasha and the civilians behind her, keeping them more than safe from the shot the shield absorbed. But it wasn't just a green bubble, really. It was  _ the _ green bubble, for who else but his brother could have an aura of such brilliant green?

Stark’s shouts for assistance with subduing their opponent became a distant echo as Thor marched forward with the certainty that the one for whom he had searched for nineteen years stood just across the street. In a planet so vast, what were the odds? And yet a younger Loki, for Thor had no doubt it was his brother whom he now beheld despite the jeans and grey long-sleeved shirt rolled up to the elbows, came into view with a sheepish smile and raised hands as the shield was lowered to the ground.

Loki. The name escaped Thor against his will, his legs becoming wobbly. How could he have lived for so long without the other? Loki was the breath that gave a dying man the strength to take one last step, the warmth that filled a man's chest to the brim.

“I’m not sure if that counts as an insult coming from you, but, eh -" Loki shrugged “- close enough.”

“Close enough?” Thor asked in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Loki replied cheerily. “Name’s actually -"

“Luke!”

“That,” Loki finished with a wince in the direction of an angry Natasha. “Look, Nat, I swear I haven't stalked you since, like, three months ago.”

Natasha stumbled in her stride, panic briefly crossing her face. “You did what?”

“You  _ stalked  _ Lady Natasha?”

“No, no, hear me out. I was sitting at the café over there at the corner, the one with the broken window, see? I was already here, and I swear I wasn't doing anything shady this time.”

“Since when do you know Natasha?” Thor demanded as the situation turned more bizarre by the moment.

“Um, ten years, maybe? Since before SHIELD fell at least, right?”

_ Ten years! _ All this time, Natasha had Loki right  _ there _ .

Natasha nodded. “I was sent here to investigate a case in which three kids were hung upside down from their ankles by an ‘invisible’ force in the middle of a school cafeteria. SHIELD was particularly interested by the constant low-scale explosions reported by the school. What I found was this little guy in the middle of it all,” Natasha said with a hint of fondness that took Thor by surprise.

Loki shrugged. “What can I say? I was inspired.”

Natasha snorted. “By Harry Potter, which your parents then banned you from reading.” The corners of her eyes bunched up at Loki's pout. “And then they banned SHIELD from having contact with you, which is why you need to stop following me.”

“And SHIELD agreed?” Thor asked and was promptly ignored by both his brother and Natasha. Stark’s approaching shout, “Thanks for your help, guys,” too, was ignored.

“But, Nat, c'mon. You know I can do more than ‘heal,’” Loki said with air quotes, “old ladies with arthritis.”

Natasha sighed, grabbed Loki's arms, and tugged him away from Thor. “Come on, Luke. Let's get you home.”

“But, Natasha,” Thor protested in a desperate attempt to keep Loki close, to restore him to his  _ real _ home, “does he not remind you of Loki?”

Natasha stopped dragging Loki along with her and eyed Thor with a cautious look. “A little. Physically.”

“Still not sure if that's supposed to be an insult,” Loki muttered while feebly trying to free himself from Natasha's grip. “My parents almost did die in his attack, you know?”

Finally having caught up to them, Steve greeted, “Hey, Luke. You've gotten pretty tall.”

Thor’s jaw went slack. Had he really been the only one unaware of his brother’s proximity?


	2. Chapter 2

“Stop frowning,” Natasha whispered in his ear. If anything, it made Thor’s scowl deepen.

He returned his attention to the crowd of people before them, squinting in the bright sunlight. Stark and Steve were at the forefront of the podium while he and Natasha stood back, listening. They were being interviewed – although Thor preferred the term  _ interrogated _ – on their plans to counter the illicit trade of hybrid technology. Well, not  _ their _ plans, exactly. More like the plans of the Midgardian authorities, but that was fine. Inside his head, at least, Thor wouldn't pretend that he didn't miss the old days in which the Avengers planned their strategies on their own, flimsy as they were. It didn't make much of a difference, and, truly, Thor was fine with it, except that he didn't trust the humans as much as he had to pretend he did. It wasn't about the battle strategies. After Loki fell from the Bifröst, Thor soon realised that they didn't hold the same appeal as it had when his brother had been by his side. No, it was not about battle strategies, but the humans’ inexhaustible need to keep Thor in the dark. What better example than Loki himself. For ten years, they had known where his brother resided, and yet Thor had not heard the faintest of whispers.

Well, it  _ was _ Loki, wasn't it? It had to be. If the child's appearance was not enough, then what of his seiðr? Humans had lost interest in the practice centuries ago. How come this human could make use of it? Simple. He was no human. He was Loki.

_ “Do you mean to tell me that all this time Loki has been free?” Natasha asked, leaning back against the living room wall. _

_ Steve frowned from his place on the couch. “Thor, he's your brother, we get it, but how could you let him escape? He's supposed to be facing Asgardian justice.” _

_ Thor shifted his weight from foot to foot. This wasn't how he had imagined this going, but how could he have imagined that he would ever need to have this conversation with the Avengers? “Loki hasn't escaped. He's currently serving his sentence.” _

_ Natasha crossed her arms over her chest, an eyebrow raised. “Then why are you insisting he could be your brother?” _

_ “Just like Natasha, I've known this kid for years. He’s got every paper saying he's from here. I'm sorry, Thor, but there's no way Luke's your brother.” _

_ Thor scrunched his nose at the name. He was not using it, he vowed. “How do you explain his similarity to Loki? His powers?” _

_ “SHIELD tried to find its source before Luke's parents removed him from the program. He isn't the first of his kind. And, Thor, sometimes unrelated people look like each other. Ask Stark. He'll show you.” _

_ “Thor,” Steve said in a softer tone, “are you afraid Loki escaped?” _

_ Thor's face fell. “I'm not sure that's possible.” _

_ Natasha pushed herself off the wall and walked towards Thor to place a hand on his shoulder and steer him in the direction of the bar. “You know, it used to happen to Clint a lot. Luke would walk into a room or pop out of an alleyway, and Clint would shoot him. But what you need to remember is-" _

“-that even if it's just a sneaky suspicion, you call this number, okay? No matter what. Wait, no, scratch that. You can call, but within reason. Let's not turn this into a witch hunt. An operator will patch you through, and a team will be sent out to investigate. Easy peasy, right?”

Stark flashed a smirk before moving away from the lectern, making way for Steve to thank the people for their time and answer some lingering questions. But as the end of the crowd began to disperse, as the other three were bombarded with questions, Thor quietly left the room after the fourth time he swore to himself that he had seen raven black hair and poisonous green eyes.

~°•°~

He plastered a smile on his face as a warm, lithe body was pressed to his side, an arm with a phone raised. The picture was quickly taken and, before pulling apart completely, the girl rose on her tiptoes and pressed soft lips to his cheek. Giggling, she ran to her friends. Thor gave them one final wave of his hand and continued on with his walk. Cars honking and shoes slapping against the pavement followed Thor, gas fumes bothering his nostrils. It was a stark contrast to Asgard in many ways, similar in many others. It lacked the splendor, certainly, but that was a common thing to say about one's place of origin. Anyone could fall victim to the caresses of nostalgia, but, in this case, Earth could no doubt benefit from a lighter air, purer waters. Nevertheless, it was indisputably remarkable how humans had advanced in the last centuries. Asgard, however, Loki had often bemoaned, had been stuck in the same puddle for millennia. Was this Loki like that, too? Did he only crave change, or did he also wish to enforce it? What did this Loki like? Books, sweets, sorcery? How was Loki’s life like here on Earth?

They were not new questions. Thor had wondered all too often about where on Earth his brother had ended, about the luxuries (or lack thereof) afforded him, about the life he now led. Somehow, it had never occurred to Thor that Loki would look differently, and, in fact, Loki only looked centuries younger. Likewise, what had become of Loki's seiðr had never crossed Thor’s mind. Was it a deliberate move from his father to allow Loki's his seiðr? To what end? Somehow, Thor had found little reason to doubt that he would eventually see his brother again, and he had finally been rewarded. This was the path they had been meant to walk, was it not? There were no such things as “coincidences” in this matter. Thor had been reunited with Loki, and now he had to find him once more.

It was a nice neighborhood, Thor decided, although he wished people would stop asking him for a picture and whatnot. Finding Loki would prove a difficult task at this rate, without mentioning that the attention might alert Natasha of his plans. At least the people were happy, or appeared to be happy. Two weeks ago, people were running away in a panic from a man in possession of hybrid technology; now, they were discreetly crowding around Thor while still going on about their business. It would be strange to ask them – any of them – if they knew a raven-haired, green-eyed boy named Luke. Not only would it be strange – or perhaps because of it – people would wonder about why and who, exactly, was this boy for whom Thor searched. That would be counterproductive for two reasons: a) Thor did not want to draw attention to Loki, and b) Natasha would know, and Natasha did not want Thor interested in Loki, or “Luke.” Furthermore, the only clues Thor had about his brother’s whereabouts (since neither Natasha nor Steve had wanted him to know where Loki lived, as if it were some vital secret Thor should never know) were that Loki’s house was near enough to the site of the attack that Natasha seemed to have walked him home and that Loki had already been there when the man decided to attack, which could hopefully mean that Loki frequented this place.

Thor took a deep breath as he studied the café across the street, doubt coiling in his gut. The window had been fixed, and there were people calmly chattering outside with foam cups filled with fresh brewed coffee set before them. He crossed the street with a crowd of people and walked into the coffee shop with measured steps, the strong, bitter scent of coffee assaulting him from all directions. What was he doing here? He wasn't going to find Loki here, Thor told himself with a cursory glance over the shop. Not like this. He should take a step back and go out the way he came. One leg jerked with the intention of doing just that when an interesting thought occurred to him – what would people think if they saw an Avenger walk into a store and leave a minute later in a hurry? No, Thor was not running away. He did not know Loki's last name, but how many Lukes could there be in the neighborhood? Who was as weird as his brother? Exactly.

With renewed resolve, Thor ventured deeper into the café, ignoring the shushed talk no doubt regarding him. How strange to find him here. Sooner than Thor had expected, he was standing before the barista, trying to get his throat to work.

_ Luke. Just ask for a boy named Luke. _

She smiled. “How can I help you?”

“I am looking for…” Alright. He had come this far. Loki wasn't an easy person to forget.

“For the best cup of coffee, right? Then you've come to the right place.”

Thor summoned a smile. “Certainly.” There was no point in asking for Loki. With how many people went in and out of the shop, it was near impossible that the girl knew who Thor was talking about. This mission was doomed to fail from the start. So much for finding Loki. So much for keeping Natasha out of it.


	3. Chapter 3

Thor resigned himself to knocking on her door. When it opened, not even the sight of a smiling Jane could chase away the slump of his shoulders. Her smile slipped, and she invited him in.

Two days ago had proved to be an utter failure. Yesterday, too. Young Peter had not heard of anyone with Loki's profile. For the most part, his brother had managed to pass undetected. Peter had suggested the social networking sites humans were so fond of if they were not allowed to ask Stark for help, but that had also proved fallible. Early on, actually, once they contemplated the use of usernames that didn't reflect one's name and “Luke’s” unknown last name. Peter’s promise to keep an eye out for anything weird and not tell anyone of their mission didn't help cheer Thor up as Peter had hoped, although Thor was grateful for the attempt. At least Stark wouldn't care that much about Thor's activities as long as they didn't involve another broken window or a hole in a wall. Thor doubted Jane would be any more successful in raising his spirits, but she was good at fixing problems. Almost like Loki used to.

Thor had faith in Jane.

But before she had time to ask him what was bothering him, Thor took a seat at her couch, rubbed his tired eyes, and said, “I found him.”

There was no question about who Thor was talking about. Jane might have never met him in person, but she had heard enough of the Loki of days long gone to know there was only one person for whom Thor searched. In reality, there were two Lokis – Thor's baby brother and the man Thor cursed when he should have gone to bed hours ago, but Loki nonetheless.

“Where is he now?”

“Somewhere in New York, I hope.”

“Somewhere… you hope…. How did you find him?”

Thor leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes before telling the tale of how Loki had saved Natasha, of how they had known each other for ten years, of how Natasha hadn't let him accompany Loki to his house, and of everything that followed. If his voice dragged, Thor pretended not to notice. He just wanted to take Loki home and sleep for a hundred years. At least Jane was in support of that. She had never agreed with his father using Earth as a correctional facility.

Jane sat with her elbows on her knees, chewing her thumbnail. “Are you sure that's what happened? Natasha is a very perceptive person.”

Thor felt a flicker of irritation. Of course he knew what he was talking about. This wasn't the first time he was asked to distance himself from his brother. “She thinks it's impossible. Steve, too.”

“But did you tell them what happened to Loki?”

Thor grumbled, “They wouldn't care for him as they do if they knew,” remembering Natasha's expression when he asked her if “Luke” didn't remind her of Loki.

Jane bit the inside of her cheek and walked to the kitchen, where she opened a cabinet and took out two mugs. “Hmm, it would change their view of him for sure. Hard not to. Any idea why your father let him keep his powers?”

“Far from it,” Thor confessed, watching as Jane moved around the kitchen taking out milk from the refrigerator and chocolate powder from another cabinet. Why force Loki to be reborn but not remove his seiðr? Was he trying to prove a point?

“And he doesn't remember anything?”

“He barely paid me any notice.”

Jane poured the milk into a saucepan. “What are you going to do?”

Thor laughed nervously. “I was hoping you could help me with that.”

He watched in silence as Jane went about preparing two mugs of hot chocolate, heating the milk, mixing it with chocolate and a little sugar, all the while his knee bounced with restless energy. He was so close.  _ Had _ been so close. Loki had been at arm’s length. Thor could have easily reached out and squeezed his neck, pressed their forehead together as he had longed to do ever since he found Loki gone. Or perhaps if Thor had been brave enough to ask the girl at the café for “Luke” as he had planned from the beginning he would have Loki by his side right now instead of hanging onto Jane’s every action, waiting for a reply that eventually came in the form of a smile just when Thor was ready to drop dead.

“Start from the beginning.”

“From the beginning? Beginning as in…”

She handed him one of the mugs. “As in like getting to know him.”

“Jane, he's my brother! I've known him my entire life. I don’t have a single memory in which I didn't know Loki.”

“But Loki does.”

Thor made a pained noise in the back of his throat. This was exactly what Thor had feared Jane would say, exactly what Thor hadn't wanted to hear. What was he supposed to do? Pretend that Loki was a stranger, some charity case in which another stranger came to change his life because he was not supposed to die within the century yet pretend it was not so? Like that? Could Loki even recover his memories?

“Where do I even find him?”

The expression that Jane gave him in return was the exact reason why they had agreed they were better off as friends.

_ ~°•°~ _

_ Alright, you can do this. In and out. It can't be worse than fighting Loki at the Bifröst, right? Of course not. In and out. _

Thor pushed the door open and was greeted by the same view of a couple days ago: coffee cups, blenders, sacks of coffee beans, and dazed people trying not to stare at him. He didn't know if having the same girl take his order was a blessing or not. It certainly made him wonder what in the Nine Realms he was doing. He was a seasoned warrior, had fought countless foes, and had been part of numberless war campaigns. He would not be defeated now. Not by this.

Or perhaps he would.

She greeted him with the same welcoming smile of last time, albeit with a different line. “So it was as good as I promised?”

It was sweeter than what Thor had learnt to associate with coffee. Definitely better than what he had had to try with Stark and Barton out of  _ courtesy _ before they laughed at his face, bristling because coffee was  _ not _ a “vile drink.” It was the “stuff of life.” Not when it was made by them, it wasn't. But Thor had changed his opinion thanks to this place and the girl now preening because of his anecdote. She said, “I'll be sure to tell ma that, though she isn't that much of a fan after our window was broken.”

Thor scratched the back of his neck. “Funny you mention that, actually. There was a boy called Luke that day who summoned a green shield, similar to a bubble, around a group of people. He has dark hair, fair skin, tall. Said he was here previous to the attack.”

“Is he trouble?” she asked with an expression Thor couldn't quite put his finger on.

“Just curious.”

“Well, can't say I know him. Same as last time?”

Thor sighed and nodded. It had been worth the try. Fruitless, for the most part, but one place he could cross out from his nonexistent list of places where he could potentially find Loki. So, had this place been a one time visit after all?

~°•°~

Against his better judgment, Thor found himself visiting the café on a regular basis. Even if Loki did not return to this place, there was still a tiny chance Thor could spot him on his way there, right? Because, as of now, Thor didn't have anyone to reproach his optimism. The girl, whose name Thor had learnt was Sabrina, didn't seem to mind his presence. Well, she almost seemed to encourage it. “It attracts customers,” she had said. Made her mother less resentful about the broken window, too. They had agreed to leave it as “giving back to the community.” Natasha hadn't made any comments about his visitations to Loki's potential neighborhood. It was naïve, almost an insult, to imply she hadn't noticed, but perhaps she was otherwise occupied? Both her and Steve had been pouring their efforts into their new campaign for scouting hybrid technology with the help of Stark and Pepper. Thor, however, bordered on contentious. Just like there were people who appreciated his participation, there were people who felt it was kind of Thor's fault they were having this problem in the first place. To be precise, it was Loki's fault, but Thor wasn't going to point that out.

It was another sign from the Norns, then, when his attention was snapped from the document he was asked to read for the next step of the plan to a figure looming over his table.

“You're scaring away my clientele.”

“I'm sorry?” Thor stammered, eyes wide.

Loki pulled a chair and sat down with a huff. “Just so you know, when an Avenger asks for you, people tend to think you’re in deep shit.”

Well… “Do you have a reason to be in trouble?”

“You tell me. It was usually Nat who cleaned my slip-ups.”

Thor frowned, turning off the Starkpad, settling for “I am curious as to how you gained your powers” as his excuse.

“Easy. Radiation.”

“It's very similar to Asgardian magic.”

“Alien radiation, then.”

Thor chuckled. “Nice try, Loki.”

“Luke.”

“Right.” Thor swallowed, heart plummeting to the bottom of his stomach.  _ From the beginning. _ “My apologies. You bear an uncanny resemblance to my late brother.”

Loki shrugged. “No worries. I mean, my mom thinks I'm an angel, or who knows what anymore. My aunt says I'll kill her of a heart attack.” At Thor’s blank face, Loki continued, “But let me fill you in on our situation. Because you're not from around here, I take it you don't know fortune telling is kind of illegal, right? Well, it is. At least when you're asking for money. Definitely when you stalk people like I do.”

Asking why, although valid, would make Loki think him dull-witted without doubt. This might be a reincarnation of his brother, but thankfully Loki nonetheless. Not far from what Thor knew. And according to what Thor knew of human tendencies, “Do you record it?”

Loki smiled placidly. “You agree, then?”

_ Not particularly _ .

“Of course. As long as no one is being harmed?”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Obviously. I just pretend to read their fortune, keep it ominous for God's sake, and ask for my money. Then I follow them, make sure what I said happens, and record that moment of insight in which their faces go ‘shit, that kid was right’ before they're running back to me to get rid of a ‘curse,’ or take your pick. Simple, right? Technically not fraud.”

“Are there not easier ways to make money?”

“Sure, but are they fun?”

Thor felt his muscles relax and, soon, he was returning Loki's grin, his spirits brightening. “May I invite you to a cup of hot chocolate to make up for your lost customers?”

“You didn't offer me coffee,” Loki noted before nodding in approval. “Smart move. That stuff is awful. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Sorcery? Check. Sweets? Check. Books?


	4. Chapter 4

Thor walked around the Compound with a spring to his steps. Or, well, this was how he expected that Midgardian expression felt like. If this were some of those disturbing videos Young Peter had shown him in which the characters were disgustingly happy, there would be a rainbow and a leprechaun dancing around a pot of gold at the bottom while a litany of Loki, Loki, Loki played in the background. That was how disgustingly happy Thor felt. 

He softly closed the door to his room, unable to wipe the smile off his face. Loki had eventually been called to his house by his human mother, but, for someone who had nearly believed they would never see their brother again for nineteen years, it was far more than what Thor had dared to hope for. Almost like seeing the world through fresh eyes, everything suddenly brighter and sweeter than it had any right to be. Almost like being a child again, cajoling his partner in crime into smuggling pastries from the kitchens. Almost like being a carefree adolescent once more (as Loki now was), pulling faces at the backs of the most uptight dignitaries to his brother's long suffering sighs before he dropped the pretense and rivaled Thor. Almost like clasping his brother's shoulder before moving into the awaiting crowd to relate his glorious victory. Almost like standing on the other side of the golden barrier, a mockery of everything they were supposed to be, as his brother screamed at him to leave him alone from the confines of a white, colorless cell because they had never been brothers. Not truly. 

That had been the last time Thor saw his Loki. The Loki that remembered what it was to be told that they were gods, destined for greatness long before they were ever told what that entailed, what it required of them. The difference was in the path they had chosen for themselves. Had it really been a choice, though? Was there any comfort in saying it was inevitable? Any comfort at all in flashing crimson eyes and cobalt skin as if it merited revulsion instead of the devotion Thor had always harboured for his brother?

“Fine. Have it your way,” Thor had spat. 

Loki had spread his arms wide in his perceived victory. “Finally!”

Thor had turned his back on his Loki then for one last time, gaze stubbornly focused on the path ahead. The path to a merry tavern where he nursed a drink he did not fully intend to consume while pretending his friends' poor attempts at taking his mind off Loki were working wonders with a smile that hurt Thor's cheeks by just remembering. This Loki (not his, not really) had the potential to scar him just as bad as the one before with periods of happiness that lasted very little, like the victory rush at the peak of a battle, when one was confident enough in one's victory that one became reckless, carefree just to realise the battle was far from over. 

That was just what happened. Thor had been so happy at Loki finding him, Loki speaking to him, Loki spending time with him that he had forgotten to ask Loki when they could meet again. Thor had been too happy at seeing the face he most associated with his brother to acknowledge that this boy was not, in fact, his brother. 

He was still Loki. Somehow. Had to be. A variation of Loki, perhaps? How could Thor neglect to ask for some contact information? Anything! What a foolish mistake. At least Loki would find it amusing. He ought to have that much in common with the person he used to be. 

Thor's heart clenched with that thought, his smile long gone. He opened the door of his closet and crouched down on the floor, hands searching for the small bag containing the few things he had managed to smuggle out of Asgard. Moving a pair of shoes and a box filled with Midgardian souvenirs out of the way, Thor pulled the cloth bag out of the closet and reached a hand in, fingers grasping a leather bound notebook. He threw the bag back into the closet but stroked the notebook with a reverence he had never before directed to an object of its kind. Until this notebook, that was. The one thing Thor had dared to remove from Loki's chambers, positively violating his brother's privacy and probably incurring his mother's wrath if she ever found out. The one thing Thor had of Loki. 

Finding Loki was the first step, but now that Thor had a relative idea of where to find him… what happened now? He wouldn't really be Loki unless he recovered his memories, would he? If such a thing was possible. 

He still knew very little of Loki's human life, Thor thought, shutting the closet doors close before flopping down on the bed and opening his brother's journal. 

Loki’s elegant calligraphy was another stab to the heart in itself. 

Why did his father need to make New York Loki’s home anyway?

~°•°~

“So, what's the next step?” Stark asked, a cup of coffee in one hand and his daughter tapping away at a Starkpad next to him.

Natasha crossed her arms over her chest with a pensive look on her face. “Actually scout for tech. The people we’ve caught so far are just buyers or smugglers, not the ones handling the operations. Tracing our way back is the most obvious course of action, but Steve and I haven't been allowed to speak with the guy yet. We’ve got to find alternatives.”

Stark's eyebrows climbed up his forehead. “If you're hoping for an energy signature, then you're kinda forgetting that I'm not allowed near the tech. No data to base an algorithm on. Nothing. Nada.”

Thor gave a frustrated sigh and rested his head on his arms. This – a lot of things, really – had been much simpler when they hadn't needed to wait for the government to approve their every move. As it were, the only reason they were called out was if the local forces could not deal with the threat, or if the threat presented unnecessary casualties. They weren't exactly the first choice anymore despite how much they pretented otherwise. Stark, for instance, was getting old, Thor thought within the privacy of his mind. Natasha, too, but Thor never said that aloud. She was still trying to make up for something, which Thor respected, but, as Stark and Rhodes often joked, their golden days were gone. Pepper approved of that thinking. Understandable. Steve was too strong-willed, too righteous to turn his back on his people, even if he felt he was being used as propaganda. Banner, on his part, was just happy to dedicate his life to whatever it was he did in his lab. And Barton? Retired for almost a decade.

Indeed, their golden days were gone.

Stark set his cup down on the table. “Any ideas, Point Break?”

“I would ask Heimdall, but I fear he is still forbidden from speaking to me.”

“Oh, right. That guy. So, if he's always spying on people, does he, like, ever sleep?”

“I'm not sure,” Thor admitted tentatively. He had given up on figuring out Heimdall’s personal life a long, long time ago. As children, he and Loki had theorized that Heimdall was actually a construct. They had snuck out of the palace with the help of Loki's seiðr at all hours of day and night at least a thousand times just to always be met with Heimdall guarding the observatory, reinforcing their theory. How simple it all used to be. 

“And he's really watching all the time?”

“That is correct.”

“And have you ever been caught in a -" Stark glanced at his daughter with her headphones on, Natasha sighing at the obvious implication “- compromising position?”

Heat crept up Thor’s neck and face. “A few times. Just one I really regret.” Thor saw the curiosity shining on Stark's eyes, the restraint warring on Stark’s face at the prospect of getting another embarrassing story out of Thor, so, ignoring Natasha pinching the bridge of her nose, Thor said, “They were a he.”

Stark grabbed his cup and sipped. “Yeah, didn't see that coming.”

Yeah, it got worse with the details. 

“Boys, focus.”

Stark suggested, “At least the hotline has helped catch drug dealers?”

And they went right back to the beginning. 

~°•°~

By the seventh time Thor crossed paths with Loki, Thor had dropped all and any pretense that he wasn't doing this to see Loki. Rarely, they met in the street and Loki tapped Thor's shoulder, waved, and walked away. Often, they met at the café and Loki sat at Thor’s table, ranted about his day, and demanded to be fed. Loki had few inhibitions, Thor realised, when Loki commented about his intentions to ‘squeeze' Thor dry. If this Loki was a gold-digger, well, it wouldn't be entirely different from what Thor was used to, but Thor refused to think of Loki that way. In truth, Thor was near to bursting with happiness about their arrangement although Thor wasn't completely sure about what that meant. Just being near Loki was more than enough. Thor did know that. It had even been weeks since Thor slipped and called him Loki instead of Luke. The café and Loki had become Thor’s new routine. There was just one tiny, little problem.

“I don’t know how to get his memories back.”

Jane sipped her coffee, blinking owlishly at the dim-lit room, prompting a sheepish smile from Thor. “My brain hasn't come online yet.”

“I'm truly sorry, Jane. I got too excited, I know. Should I stop by later?”

Jane's brow knitted together, hand tightening on the blanket around her shoulder. “I'm already awake. Might as well do something. Didn't your father say something about what Loki had to do? His reparations, I guess?”

“He only said that if Loki dies, it will be because the Norns have willed it so.”

“The Norns are like the Fates, right? They decide the fate of people.”

“That is correct. But, Jane, I don't mean anything by this, but Loki is one of us. He doesn't belong here. Asgard will become stagnant without him.”

“I had a neighbour who used to think that if people got sick, they should put all their faith in God. That included refusing medical help. And that's how this matter of the Norns feels to me.” She took another sip of her coffee. “I'm pretty sure there are movies about this. I think you're supposed to show him things that remind him of his previous life.”

Thor frowned and scratched the back of his head. That would be complicated. “I'm not allowed back on Asgard yet. I don't have many things that could do that.” Except Loki's journal, but Thor wasn't willing to base all his hopes on that. How old was Loki? Seventeen going on eighteen, or something of the sort. There were many things in that journal that were not appropriate for a boy of such young age. 

“I don't know what to tell you, Thor. I don’t want to say something that might steer you in the wrong direction.”

Thor dropped his head on his hands with a sigh. “I appreciate the sentiment.” But he still wished something else would occur to Jane. “Is it inappropriate of me to seek out Loki so often? My understanding is that he's considered underage and…”

At Jane's lack of response, Thor looked up, thinking he had spoken into his hands and Jane had not heard him. As it turned out, Jane's head was lolling to the side, eyes closed. Guilt surged in Thor as he rose from the couch and walked to Jane. Gently, Thor took the cup of coffee from Jane's hands to place it on the counter and guided her toward her bedroom by the elbow. “Let's get you to bed, shall we?”

Jane mumbled, “That sounds nice.”

“Yes, it does. I'll stop by later, alright?”

There were some pressing matters Thor had to attend to. 

~°•°~

Thor shook his cloth bag upside down, its contents spilling to the ground, making Thor frown. There were a lot of things Thor remembered shoving in there when his father announced Thor had an hour before he would be sent to Earth for an indefinite amount of time. There were many other things Thor thought he had lost or Loki had stolen. And, sure enough, the only word that came to Thor's mind was Loki. Because there was no way so many things could fit into the cloth bag. 

A glint caught Thor's eyes as the object clinked to the floor. Thor picked it up and studied it. He remembered this. Loki had given it to Thor the night before he left for Vanaheimr to study seiðr for a century. That was the longest they had ever been apart. 

“I like pretty and shiny things,” Loki had told Thor last week. 

Yes, Thor thought. This would do. 


	5. Chapter 5

Thor entered the coffee shop with an air of restless energy and got in line. On one hand, there was always the possibility of seeing Loki. On the other hand, Natasha and Steve had finally been cleared to interrogate the man whose attack had unwittingly set the stage for Thor to be reunited with his brother, which would be a lot more informative than the usual document explaining the general rules of how teams would be organized, missions carried out, and civilians kept back from the conflict. It was a step forward and one Thor hoped would be more productive than making the public believe they were doing something when they were actually just waiting. The agreement was that they would send Natasha in after the man's trial and if the information already gathered for said trial was found insufficient. They were there, but now they had to wait once more and see where Natasha's interrogation would take them. 

Nowadays, the Avengers were – how had Peter put it? – obsolete. It was supposed to be a joke, but it felt like more than that to Thor. 

When it was Thor’s turn to order, Sabrina asked, “The usual?”

Thor nodded as he took out his wallet. “Has Lo- Luke been around lately?”

“Nah, not really. His aunt's visiting and that lady always has it out for him. But I'll let him tell you about her. You’ll be doing me a great service.”

Thor handed her the money. “Do you know when he will stop by?”

“Probably today, actually. I found him someone new. You can help me hide the body if he doesn't show up, yeah?”

Thor chuckled. “It would be my honor.”

She grinned brightly, received a cup of coffee from one of the other baristas, and handed it to Thor. He didn't understand the relationship between this girl and his brother. According to Loki, “She hates my guys. Don’t listen to a word she says. She tolerates me only because I give her a portion of my money.” Thor had looked skeptically toward the counter where Sabrina had been attending people with the friendliest of smiles. Loki had leaned forward, drawing Thor's attention to his young features with a pang. “She pushed me off my swing sit, and when you're six, that's a very grave offense, got it?”

Thor remembered that day with a mixture of fondness and bitterness. Knowing that Loki could not remember anything that they had done together or anything they had been through was crushing, but somehow it had still felt like speaking with his brother. It was a good thing he managed to find Loki, Thor tried to convince himself whenever he thought of his brother, but why, of all the places on Earth, was New York Loki's home? Had his father hoped that this would teach Loki remorse? If anything, Loki would be furious that this had been done to him. Nothing more. Once Loki woke, would he still care that the people he now called his parents had almost died during his invasion? Truth be told, Thor would have preferred to live with the knowledge that Loki was in Asgard’s dungeons than with whatever this was supposed to be. Even if it was selfish.

Thor had long since lost track of time when someone tapped their knuckles against his table. He looked up into Loki's emerald eyes, amusement crossing his features. “Pretend not to know me until my new client is gone, okay?”

Thor nodded and watched Loki walk past him to another table at the back of the café. Not long after, a balding, yet good looking man sat in front of Loki, who reached a hand into his backpack and winked at Thor, signaling that it was time to look away. Thor complied with a smile. 

When Loki was finished, Thor asked, “What did you tell him?”

Loki lifted a shoulder in a half-shrug and took a seat. “That he might suffer a theft.”

“What will you be stealing?”

“Something pretty and shiny.”

Thor let a grin spread across his face to match Loki's own. “Well, for my… friend, who likes pretty and shiny things, I have this.” Thor reached into his bag and took out a tiny golden figurine of a dragon with two rubies for its eyes. It probably looked luxurious from the eyes of a human (or someone who had been raised as a human, anyway), which was why Thor chose not to wrap it. It looked a lot more informal this way, but Loki being Loki deep down where it mattered, didn't hesitate to take it. Just like Thor had expected him to. 

“You're my new best friend, Thor. Fuck Sabrina,” Loki proclaimed. He then pulled the dragon to his chest and narrowed his eyes at Thor. “This is not one of those weird gifts I'm supposed to share, is it?”

“I don’t see why it would be.”

Loki extended out a hand to shake Thor's. “Congratulations, new best friend. Did you hear that, Sabrina?” he shouted and Thor laughed when Sabrina shouted back, “Get outta here, Luke.” Loki stopped to inspect the dragon, running a gentle finger down its little spine. “Why are you giving me this, though?”

Thor cleared his throat. He couldn't tell Loki the truth. “It came from my late brother and, frankly, it hurts to see it. I would rather have you have it than throw it away.” The whole truth, anyway.

“If you're regretting it and hoping that I'm a normal person who'll give it back because of its emotional value, then you're seriously mistaken.”

“Which is why I'm giving it to you.”

Loki continued to run his finger up and down the figurine. “I'm really sorry for your loss, I swear, but right now I want to shove this in my aunt's face and tell her to suck it. But she'd just accuse me of stealing. She's the kind of person that loves you but is always ready to think the worst of you.”

_ I used to be like that with you. _ “I'm sorry.”

“So, this is the moment I give you my number, huh? Wait, you do have a phone, right?”

Thor's eyes widened. “What? No, that's not why I'm giving you this.”

“Oh, c'mon. We’ll even be cheesy and write it down on your cup. Are you done?”

“I- yes?”

Loki took Thor’s empty cup and set it down on his side of the table before reaching into his backpack for a pen to scribble down his number. Thor stared blankly at Loki pushing his cup back into his hands. “There you go. The number to your underage and therefore illegal boyfriend.”

“This sounds like the moment I tell you to stop being inappropriate.”

“You're learning,” Loki said happily. 

_ Please don’t do this to me _ , Thor wanted to say.  _ I won't be able to bear it. _ Instead, he smiled and repeated, “Please stop being inappropriate,” to which Loki only shrugged. 

“Depends on your morals.”

Silence fell upon them and Thor almost squirmed in his seat. This was not how he had expected the day to go. In fact, he had entirely lost control of the situation. He wasn't sure how they had gotten here. Thor wanted and needed Loki back. But not the young version of him at whom Thor was now staring.

“What can you do with your powers?”

Loki stopped playing with the dragon on the table and looked up. “The ones that most definitely came from alien radiation?”

“Precisely those.”

“Dunno. I can make bubbles like the one you already saw and speed up the healing process like you probably gathered. I myself have always healed a little faster than normal, which is why Sabrina pushed me off my swing seat. She wanted to see how fast I'd heal. What an idiot, right? I'm not really sure what else. Telekinesis, I guess. And… illusions? Not really sure what to call them.”

Thor leaned forward at that. “Illusions, you say?”

“Yeah, but Nat says I can't do it in public unless I want to be monitored.” Loki's face fell. “She doesn't know you're here, does she?”

“I think she would try to kill me if she did.”

Loki laughed despite the tears prickling at his eyes. “Especially if she knew about the boyfriend joke. You said what I do is similar to Asgardian magic?”

“It is. My mother taught the art to my brother from a young age. Illusions and shapeshifting were his favorite skills.” The strangest thing he had ever done in his life, Thor decided the moment he finished that sentence, was to speak to Loki about Loki, as if they were entirely different people. 

“And you… you know this art, too?”

“I'm afraid I do not. The practice is seen as womanly back in Asgard.” Loki's lower lip wobbled and Thor wished he could reach out to him, to hug him, press their foreheads together, or to place a hand on top of Loki's. But none of those gestures would be welcomed by this Loki. After the "boyfriend joke," they would definitely be inappropriate. Thor didn't even know where they had gone wrong. “You would like to be taught?”

Thor would figure something out if that was the case. 

“I… yeah, but I...” Loki furiously wiped at his face. “Fuck. I don’t know why I'm crying. I'll see you later, okay?”

Loki stood from his chair, knocking his knee on the table on his way out, and swung his backpack over his shoulder, dragon clutched to his chest, before hurrying out of the café. Thor, on the other hand, was left rooted to the spot and one glance at Sabrina told him she was just as confused about Loki's abrupt departure. 

A shimmer of hope entered Thor's heart at the thought that perhaps Loki had remembered something after all.

~°•°~

Thor went home with his empty cup clutched in his hand, whatever it was that had happened with Loki back in the café haunting his thoughts. It was a good thing, Thor insisted to himself. Maybe Loki had remembered something of his past life, and was that not what Thor wanted? Except that there was no way to tell what Loki had remembered, and there were one too many things that could have intruded in Loki's mind. That was dangerous, come to think of it. Loki had, as far as Thor knew, full access to his seiðr but did not know how to tap into it. If Loki remembered, and if it wasn't a pleasant memory, there was the risk of Loki's seiðr lashing out. Thor couldn't let that happen. 

“What's wrong, big guy?” Thor startled, not having expected to meet Natasha on his way in. “You seem a little off.”

“It was a strange day,” Thor admitted.

She took a bite of her sandwich, chewing slowly, humming. It made Thor nervous. “I thought you didn't like coffee.”

“I found one that I like. Well, it's mostly the place. It’s comfortable.”

“So what made it strange? C'mon, I need to get my mind off today. You, Steve, and I are leaving on two days, by the way.”

Two days? Well, Thor hadn’t expected it to go quite so smoothly, but perhaps it hadn't, considering Natasha wished to momentarily forget about it. To where were they leaving? They would probably tell him on their way there. Definitely once they arrived there. Hopefully, none of the people there would blame Thor for the arrival of extraterrestrials to Earth. Plus, it was technically Loki's fault. But Thor also hoped they wouldn’t bring up Loki’s invasion. They most likely would, though. Worse, Thor couldn't defend his brother soundly because Asgard never managed to prove that Loki wasn't entirely in control despite Thor’s suspicions. No matter. Thor had finally found Loki. 

Ah, the cup. Right.

Thor took a seat in front of Natasha at the table and allowed her a brief glance at the number scribbled on the cup. “Someone wrote their number on my cup. I'm not sure I understand this human custom.”

A gentle smile tugged on the corners of Natasha's lips before she took another bite of her sandwich. Thor fidgeted with the cup as he waited for her reply.

“That happens all the time to Tony, even now when he’s married and has a kid. Give it more time and you'll have a collection of them. Will you give the person a call?”

Would he? It might be Loki, yes, but the truth was Thor wasn't sure. Maybe not now. Perhaps when he came back from this mission. Yes, that sounded like a good plan. Thor needed to pluck his courage first. For some reason, the idea filled Thor with dread. Made his stomach churn. This wasn't the same as seeing Loki in person, Thor concluded. Perhaps Thor would hear more about the aunt Loki so frequently mentioned.

“I'm not sure.”

“It never hurts to take some time off for yourself.”

“I'll think about it.”

Indeed, Thor would take advantage of this mission to build the courage he needed to move toward the next step of his half-formed plan. 


	6. Chapter 6

Laughter and cheering assaulted him from all directions, little feet running and parents calling after their children to no avail. It was cheerful. It was chaotic. There was one person missing to make Thor's smile true. And, as if on cue, Thor heard a little, echoing hiss in his ear. It sounded almost like static, like when something interfered with their coms, but Thor knew better. It sounded like it was right next to his ear, yet it came from every direction. Perhaps the static-like property of the sound was due to a lack of training. But, it made sense that they somehow managed to tap into this particular skill. Very usual whilst in a hunt. Also very useful for an organization focused on espionage.

“You never came back.”

“I've been busy,” Thor muttered under his breath, knowing that however low he spoke, the message would nonetheless be carried to its addressee, wherever he was. If it had been taught right. 

“I gathered,” Loki replied, prompting Thor to study the Back to School Festival currently being hosted in what came to be known as the "Avengers’ backyard" since Morgan's fifth birthday. Thor could see Loki's point. Entertaining children at a large-scale party wasn’t what would normally qualify as "important."

“I meant before this. I was busy.” 

A young boy waved a red dog balloon in front of Thor as a girl thrust a blue balloon into Thor’s hands. Thor’s heart dropped. He didn't know how the children had cajoled him into making balloon animals for them, but he did know they would make him cry very soon. They were little tyrants, the children. Before this day, Thor had never even touched a balloon that was not round, but the children assured him that he would get the hang of it in no time, which Thor supposed wasn't completely false. Thor was very well used to the boom of explosions and, of course, the crash of thunder, but the bang of an exploding balloon was unparalleled in Thor’s life. 

Thor wished the children, those little public hazards, would leave him alone. Stark employed someone well-versed in the art of making animals out of balloons for them, and that person was not Thor. And yet, the children didn't stop clapping and shrieking in delight when a balloon exploded in Thor’s hands.

“I wasn’t entirely joking when I gave you my number.”

Great. They were doing this now. In plain sight, where anyone could see Thor muttering to himself like a crazy person. And if Thor ignored Loki, well, there was no point in thinking about that. What did Loki care, anyway?

“I know you weren't. I wasn't joking either.” Thor gave the balloon one final twist for the tail and handed it to the girl, then watched her sprint away with the boy. Not even a thank you. “I was busy. I can't talk about it here.”

Thor heard the smirk in his brother's voice when he replied, “Scared you'll look crazy?”

“More like scared Natasha will notice.” Thor closed his eyes and looked heavenward. “Save me?”

“You're such a child, Thor, but I suppose I could find it in me to forgive you, so… behind the tree to your left. The one near the thrashed picnic tables.”

Thor darted his eyes around the different snack and entertainment stands, checking that nobody was observing him, before he walked toward the tree Loki had indicated to find his brother leaning against the tree, hands in the pockets of his jeans. He was wearing a long-sleeved, reddish brown shirt and a cream scarf wrapped around his neck. He was most definitely unamused, but, more specifically, he was blank. Unamused, but blank. Absent-mindedly, Thor reached out a hand to play with the straps of Loki's scarf. Loki didn't protest.

“It was a gift from my aunt.”

“The same one inclined to think the worst of you?”

“I only have one aunt. My dad's an only child, and my mom only has her.” Loki looked down to watch Thor thread his hands through his scarf before continuing. “Sabrina and I were wondering if you were coming back, and I understand you have no obligations towards me, but I…” Loki chewed his lower lip and shrugged. “I don't know. I didn't expect you to be another Natasha.”

With a small frown, Thor looked up into Loki's face, eyes drawn to Loki's emerald orbs. At the attention, Loki smoothed his face once more. He should probably step back, Thor thought, yet unable to do so. This was a compromising position if someone were to stumble upon them. “Another Natasha? What do you mean by that?”

“Well, it's nothing important. I mean, she was supposed to help me with whatever is wrong with me, but… you know what? ‘Keep me in check' is probably more accurate. I'm not some Wanda Maximoff. I was born like this, and nobody knows why. My family is stupidly religious and thinks I'm some gift from the Lord, not that you know who that's supposed to be. SHIELD pretended to be priests who could teach me how to use my ‘gifts’ for good and stave off the Devil. Wanna know how that turned out?”

“Your parents were furious when they found out.”

Loki scoffed. “Of course they were. Nat might be some super assassin, but she's soft around kids. She couldn't take it. I've never thought it was cruel, what they were doing to me. I guess it was their purpose, and maybe the fact that they didn't know much about my ‘gifts’ either. I think that was better than nothing, than just trusting I wouldn't lose control. SHIELD couldn't stop my parents from pulling me out of the program since I was never labelled as ‘dangerous,’ but that meant losing all contact with Nat.” Loki crossed his arms over his chest, tearing his scarf out of Thor’s hands. “Then stupid Sabrina kept pushing me off my swing seat to see what I'd do.”

“And what _did_ you do?” Thor asked, trying to suppress a teasing smile. It hadn't taken long to figure out that Sabrina was the equivalent of a less annoying Sif for this Loki. 

“Pulled her ponytail.”

Ah, yes. That sounded like Loki alright. 

Thor's fingers twitched with the desire to resume contact with Loki. Thor had always been a person who enjoyed physical contact, and Loki had always loathed it. Casual touches were unacceptable as far as Loki was concerned, always pushing Thor off him, taking one step farther away from Thor. Why would it be different now? Why should it when they had only known each other for a little under three months for Loki? And their current position, hiding away from the festivities behind a tree, allowed for quite the misunderstanding. For example, if Thor were to brush that strand of raven hair that the breeze had blown into Loki's face behind an ear, how would it be taken? Thor’s heart fluttered with the mere thought of having that liberty. 

But no matter. Loki did it for Thor as he angled his face toward the ground, a gentle blush spreading across his cheeks. “Well? I'm waiting. You could have just said it’s confidential instead of making me waste my time.”

Thor cleared his throat, looking away. “Remember the day we met? You protected Natasha and a group of civilians from a blast of a hybrid firearm. The day you gave me your number Natasha was allowed to interrogate the man that caused the disruption for information on his sellers. Two days after, we were sent to various locations to hunt them. We think we might have managed to shut down three-fifths. That's why it took so long. I returned not long ago, and Stark has kept me busy with this celebration for his daughter's return to school,” Thor finished with a hand gesture that encompassed all the backyard. 

“Likely story. But, you know, Morgan's not the only one going back to school. I won't be hanging around the café very often starting Tuesday. This is an important year for me. Guess you lost your chance.”

Then, as if he hadn't just debated this with himself, Thor placed his hands on Loki's shoulders, making Loki stiffen. “But, surely, I can see you on some weekend?”

“Well, I mean, I guess? Not sure why you’d do that. I'm busy all week, and I always have church service on Sundays. Plus, that's when I'm supposed to heal old people's arthritis. That's the main thing with them, I swear. My parents would also be mad if they knew I'm hanging out with you. Their problem is not just with Nat.”

Thor sighed. “I see. I'm sorry about not calling back.”

“Look, it’s not about that, okay? The only reason I came here was to see whether or not you'd gotten bored of us. Sabrina asked me to. And, hey, you've got your own stuff, too. I get that.”

Thor shook his head. This was wrong. Loki was getting it all wrong. Norns knew Thor wasn't bored of Loki. On the contrary, Thor was not getting enough of his brother. If this situation were up to Thor, he would have stolen Loki away the moment he laid eyes on his brother again. Perhaps not to Asgard, but to Vanaheimr or Álfheimr. Loki had liked those realms. It was a fantasy, but a fantasy Thor would act on if he could. 

“Is it too much if I ask for a hug?” Thor asked sheepishly. He knew what he had said, but it was this or nothing. Thor wasn't walking away with nothing. Nor was he scaring Loki away by pushing too much. “I'll miss you. I don't see how anyone could get bored of you.”

“That's what Nat said,” Loki grumbled, but he nodded all the same. 

Thor didn't waste a second in pulling Loki to his chest, tucking Loki's head beneath his chin. He was mindful of not squeezing too hard as Loki was now mortal and could fracture a bone with ease. The last time Thor saw Loki, his brother left the café struggling to hold back his tears, and Thor was not able to comfort him. Now, although some may argue that this was for Thor’s comfort, the fact that Loki didn't deny him or commented about this being "creepy" meant that it was for the comfort of both. Thor would ask for more, because maybe his father had been right about him being greedy, but if Loki couldn't hazard a guess as to why Thor had such an interest in him… that was dangerous. It could push Loki away. 

“This is awkward,” Loki muttered eventually. 

Thor took in a deep, happy breath. “Just a little longer now.”

“I really remind you of your brother, don't I?”

And was that supposed to make Thor let go? Because it did the complete opposite. 

“I'm sorry, Luke, that my brother’s invasion endangered the lives of your parents, but there was so much more to Loki than the humans ever cared to know.” _So much more I never cared to know about you, Loki. Do you think that if I had stayed with you in the dungeons the day you showed me your true skin, you would remember everything we once shared?_ Thor swallowed around a lump in his throat. “You shared something of your past with me. Would you mind if I did the same?”

“No, I guess? But, could we maybe talk while you're not hugging me? This is getting really awkward. I mean that.” Reluctantly (because how could it be otherwise?), Thor complied with Loki's request and chose to instead interlace his fingers with Loki's as he led his brother a little further away from prying eyes. Loki muttered, “Right. This isn't weird or creepy at all.”

Where to start? What to tell Loki about himself? Hmm, they had already gone over Loki's interests in seiðr, so maybe not there. Was it too bad if Thor began by saying Loki was adopted? Actually, there was something Thor wanted to know first. 

“What do you think happened to my brother?”

“That he didn't die of natural causes?”

That was probably this Loki's euphemism for execution. How did his brother used to call it? Lawful compensation. Loki hadn’t believed in justice. _Poetic_ justice, perhaps, but not justice. 

“It wasn't quite like that. But, anyway, there's a void between worlds. We thought there was nothing there, that no-one could survive falling in there, but before Loki arrived on Earth, he -"

“Fell?”

“Let himself fall, to be precise. Something happened to my brother there, Luke. I think I might know what now, but I have no way of proving it. I won't bother with that. What I can tell you is that Loki never wanted a throne. He told me as much before letting himself fall. For Loki, a throne was nothing but an illusion, a cage designed for its prisoner to never become aware of the reality of its captivity.” Which Thor hadn't known until he read Loki's journal. It was for closure. “Loki was… chaos, yes, but he was change. He kept Asgard moving forward. The rest of us didn't see the need for it. Loki loved that about humans. How they could change so much in a short period of time. If he'd been in control, Loki would have never tried to suppress that. I know it.”

Loki's brow furrowed. “So, the main takeaway here is that reminding people of the guy that tried to destroy our city shouldn't be an insult.”

In Asgard, it was very near an insult, but Loki didn't need to know that right now.

“Has it happened to you often?”

“Well, I wouldn't say often, but a few times, yeah. You're not the first to say that. Clint pointed an arrow at me when Nat introduced us.” 

Subconsciously, Thor’s hands clenched into fists, even though Natasha had mentioned this before. It was different when hearing it from Loki. “He pointed an arrow at you?”

“I don't blame him. Since I was a kid, people who have seen photos of your brother have said we look similar. Part of an unfortunate mix of genetics, you could say.”

_Oh, Loki. What have we done to you?_

As Thor took a deep breath to calm himself, it would be a lie to say some of his hope didn't just scurry away to some remote place. “Is there something more personal you have against Loki?”

Loki plucked a strand of his hair between his thumb and index finger, inspecting the strand as he shrugged. “I think we should be honest with each other, Thor. At the end of the day, I'm some random kid with special abilities that looks like you brother. If I were, I don't know, Asian or Latino, you wouldn't have looked at me twice. And I'm not saying you're racist, but-"

“Luke, wait-"

“No, listen. It's a fact. My previous relationship with Natasha has nothing to do with this. I don't know what you expect to come out of this,” Loki said and gestured to the space between Thor and himself, “but you have me wondering if you're trying to replace him with me. And I'm being serious for once, so… be honest.”

Thor sighed. Of course this would be Loki's conclusion. “Luke, I know you’re not the same person nor a replacement. That would be unfair. And impossible.” _Considering you're the same person._ “I won't deny the truth of what you speak, and I might be trying to make up for my past failures, but know that if I insist on your company, it is because of you. But, if I truly make you uncomfortable, I will leave you alone.”

Loki stared blankly at Thor before replying, “You have my number.” Then, he shoved his hair away from his face and walked back in the direction of the festival.


	7. Chapter 7

Sure enough, although Sabrina continued to help her mother at the café, there were minimal signs of Loki there. Communicating with Loki through texts or calls was a foreign experience, to say the least, but it was better than nothing. In fact, when Thor texted him for the first time the day after the festival, Loki replied, “Wow. I didn't think you'd actually do it.” A few minutes later, Loki added, “I didn't mean anything by it, btw.” Thor had to look up the last part only for Loki to say, “That means ‘by the way.’ Just realized you probably didn't know that.”

It was an interesting conversation. 

On the bright side, this time away from Loki (or, to be exact, this period of not meeting in person) allowed Thor to go over their last two meetings. Both had taken unexpected directions for Thor and caused a shift in their relationship. Thor wasn't sure how or why, but the day of the festival had felt... different? That was vague, but Thor couldn't put his finger on it. Perhaps it was because they had been alone together for the first time? They were usually surrounded by people. Was it, perhaps, the hug? Thor had never touched this Loki before. Had Thor made Loki that uncomfortable? No, it was some other thing. There had been a certain tension in the air, but Thor wouldn’t say they were tense or uncomfortable. What was it, then? What about the time before that one? Now, Thor doubted that Loki had remembered something, but something did make him cry that day. What had it been? That Loki thought he was a replacement? No, it couldn't be that. Or could it?

So many questions.

Not seeing Loki's face also allowed Thor to continue reading Loki's journal without feeling overwhelmingly guilty. It was a horrible privacy violation, Thor knew, but Loki often addressed his “reader,” so perhaps Loki would not be as furious as he could be when he discovered Thor had been reading it. Why address a journal entry to “whoever is reading this” and to “my dear reader, if you are reading this” if they didn't want anyone to read it? Why not spell his journal to, what, bite people or something equally alarming? It didn't make sense to Thor. Not that Thor was using it as an excuse. But, it did feel better to read it while he was not seeing Loki.

There was not much Thor could say to Loki when they talked. He didn't know anything about the human education system Loki often complained about or about the Lord and religious obligations. Earth's religions weren't particularly interesting for Thor. According to Loki, there were at least two reasons why his human parents would hate Thor. 

Firstly, Thor was a so-called god. That was the same as a demon in the eyes of Loki's human parents. Demons, Thor had learnt, were the enemies of the Lord and His angels, which were the beings Loki's human parents worshipped. To see if Thor understood, Loki said, he could think of demons as Frost Giants, but worse. On Earth, children were not told that the demons would eat them, but that the demons would drag them to Hell to be tortured for the rest of eternity if they strayed from the path the Lord had set out for them. Children were also told that the demons could take possessions of their bodies if they messed with the wrong things. Somehow, Asgardian bedtime stories didn't sound as bad as they had when Loki's heritage came to light. After hearing the story of Thor’s failed coronation, Loki argued that considering how, well, he himself had reacted to being a Frost Giant, human stories were better. Thor didn't see how he qualified as a demon. “Paganism” was somehow supposed to explain it. 

Secondly, Thor was an Avenger. Loki’s human parents didn't like superheroes. As Loki had said, their problem wasn't just with Natasha. It was with superheroes and government organisations in general.

Once, laying in bed with his phone to his ear, Thor asked, “Would it help if I attended Sunday mass?” It didn't sound like the moment to point out that this had been another of their father's experiments to admit more warriors into Valhalla.

Loki laughed. “Don't hurt yourself, Thor, but, yeah, maybe. I don't know. I'm not sure you should try it.”

“Would it be offensive?”

“Boring,” Loki corrected. “You'd find it boring.”

“So, there's nothing I can do to impress your parents?” Thor joked. At Loki's silence, he asked, “Luke?”

“Yeah, um, probably not. Listen, I got to go, okay?”

“Okay,” because what else could Thor say?

That had been another curious conversation.

Another time, Loki asked, “How old are you really?”

“About fifteen hundred years old.”

“Jeez. You must have seen a lot of things, then.”

“Not as much as I thought I had.”

“That's still a lot.”

“Not for an Asgardian. Longer lifespan.”

“Okay, alright, then. So, you're, what, in early adulthood?”

Thor hummed. He had another topic in mind that day. A recurring topic. “Sounds about right. Luke, I have been meaning to ask, and I hope this isn't offensive, but do you believe in God?”

“I stopped believing, like, nine years ago. Why do I go to mass? I have to. My parents would be pissed if I skipped it.”

“Because of the ladies with arthritis?”

Loki sighed. “They're my mother's friends. Or something like that. I don’t know how that works. Aren't you supposed to be a prince? Shouldn't you know how these things work?”

Thor cleared his throat. “I wasn't very good at listening. Loki and I ended up making faces at dignitaries when they turned their backs on us. He blamed it on me when we got caught.”

Another sigh. “Right. Well, that's not an option for me.” Barely audible, Loki muttered, “Fucking arthritis,” which Thor had learnt meant Loki was grumpy about waking early on Sundays, but they had differing views about what constituted as early. 

Thor fidgeted with the corners of his quilt, waiting for Loki to speak again, pulse speeding up at the idea that occurred to him. Should he ask? He would anyway. “I know you're interested in developing your skills further. I can't teach you anything, but I have some notes my brother took during the time he was learning seiðr. They're descriptive. I think they could be helpful for you.”

This, on the other hand, was not a privacy violation. Luke was Loki. He just didn't remember writing the journal. Not that Thor would be giving Loki his journal. No, what Thor would do was take the journal out during one of the team's shared meals, so the journal would hear people speaking English, which would prompt it to translate its contents to English. Then, how was that machine Stark showed him called? A photocopier. Thor would make photocopies of the pages in Loki's journal that were related to seiðr, which Loki had marked, so it would be easy to find them again. It would give him an excuse to see Loki. 

“Are you sure that's a good idea?”

Thor’s brow knitted together as he reached out with his arm to turn on the light of his lamp. “Is it another of those ‘pagan' things, or is it because Loki wrote them?”

“A bit of both, if I'm honest. It's just... talking about your brother is... I don't know. Awkward? Uncomfortable? Plus, my mom has a bad habit of going through my things. She even has this idea that if I'm using my phone, I'm doing something I shouldn’t. Watching porn, probably. I'm not sure I want to risk it.”

“Alright. I understand.”

“You do?”

Thor shrugged, even though Loki couldn't see it. “I don’t want to get you in trouble.” Which was true. Thor was doing his best to not be a source of anxiety for Loki. But Thor knew his brother. As he waited for Loki's next reply, Thor pushed his quilt off his body and walked to his closet in search of his cloth bag. 

“On second thought, I'll take those notes.”

“When are you free?” Thor replied as he took Loki's journal out of his bag. 

And that was how Thor came to be sitting at a park bench on a brisk Saturday afternoon in the middle of autumn. Thor rubbed his hands together and interlaced his fingers to keep himself from fidgeting. He watched as Loki approached him at a slow pace, another scarf wrapped around his neck and his hands buried in the pockets of his jacket. Loki didn't offer a normal greeting once he reached Thor. Instead, Loki flopped next to Thor and dropped his head on Thor's shoulder, muttering, “Tired. Don't bother me.”

Thor chuckled and decided to take the risk of placing one hand on Loki's knee, squeezing it gently. Loki stiffened but relaxed a few seconds later. “Is it because of the classes for... college credit, correct?”

“What? No, that's not- I mean, yeah, that's what they're for, but that's not why I'm tired, okay? I haven't been sleeping well. And, to be clear, it's not because of an identity crisis. Don't believe anything Sabrina tells you, understood?”

The corners of Thor’s lips quirked up, but he suppressed the growing smile before Loki had time to see it. “I never said that. What about headaches?”

Loki shifted his head slightly to look into Thor’s face. “How did you know?”

“Tends to happen.” Thor showed Loki his fingers and gestured to Loki's head, his intention clear. Loki lifted his head from Thor’s shoulder, and Thor placed his fingers on Loki's scalp and began to massage. “The notes are on my backpack.”

Loki sighed, tension uncoiling. “You're good at this.”

“I've had practice.”

Loki's back stiffened and, after a pause, he asked, “This is another Loki thing, isn't it?”

Thor shook his head. Not in denial, but in disbelief, trying to ignore the first sparks of his temper. “You can tell me if you have a more personal issue with him.”

“Okay. You do realize you never made it clear whether or not he was killed, right? And you're trying to sell this picture of your brother that contrasts with everything that's ever mentioned at school. What am I supposed to do? It's uncomfortable.”

Thor clenched his jaw in begrudging agreement. “Loki was reborn.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what I said. Loki's living a mortal life with a mortal family and no memories of Asgard. But, it appears my brother was indeed killed the day his essence was poured into a human body. That was Loki’s punishment.”

“But that... that doesn't sound so bad.”

Thor pulled his fingers away, twitching with the irritation prickling his skin. “Perhaps not for Loki, but it is torture for me. We used to be brothers. We shared everything. We were supposed to be together forever, and now he doesn't remember me while I think of him every single day." Thor took a deep breath to steady himself. His voice had begun to rise in volume, though he was not completely sure at whom he was mad. "I failed him. I didn't protect him like an older brother should. I know that. Is that what you want to hear? I failed as a brother.”

Loki swallowed and averted his gaze to his hands, which were neatly folded on his lap. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to give you a hard time.”

Thor wiped the tears burning the corners of his eyes with the palms of his hands and shoved one hand into his backpack in search of the packet that contained Loki's notes. Once successful, he thrust the packet into Loki's hands. “There. Take it. I'm sure Loki would have liked someone like you to have them.”

_ No doubt you'll think that's an insult, _ Thor thought as he rose to his feet and picked up his backpack. 

Loki's hand shot out to grasp Thor’s wrist. “No, Thor, c'mon. I'm sorry. I mean that. We haven't seen each other in weeks. Don't leave yet. I'll be more understanding. I promise.”

“I think,” Thor said, trying to pull his wrist out of Loki's grip, which was surprisingly strong for a human, “that I would like to go mourn my brother.”

“C'mon, there's no need for that.”

“I said that I am going to go mourn my brother,” Thor repeated more forcibly. 

“I'll go with you, then,” Loki replied easily, not letting go of Thor as he rose from the bench. “I'll even stay silent if that's what you want.”

“I want to mourn Loki in peace. That means alone.”

“Too bad. I want to be with you. That's what I came to do, so that's what I will do.”

Thor chuckled bitterly. He couldn't find it in himself to be angry. How could he when the person this Loki hated so much was his past self? Which, not at all surprising, was in accordance with Loki's last journal entry. The one right after their father fell into the Odinsleep. The one right after Loki discovered the truth of his heritage. Had this been his father's goal? “You never stop, do you?”

“Do  _ you _ ?”

“Luke, please let go of my wrist. I could hurt you if I yank too hard.”

And that, it seemed, was Loki's cue to make a bigger nuisance of himself. Instead of letting go like Thor had requested, he wrapped his arms around Thor, squeezing tightly and tucking his head beneath Thor’s chin. Thor stumbled slightly at the sudden onslaught, but the shock was enough that he hugged Loki back without a thought, threading a hand through Loki's hair. 

Loki muttered, “Just a little longer now, right?”

“For what?” Thor grumbled. 

“I don’t know.” Loki's chest rose and fell with rapid breaths. “I don't know what I'm doing. This isn't what I envisioned for my last year of high school. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've got these headaches and weird dreams, and when you talk about him, there's this buzz in my head. Like when you have a tooth missing and you can't stop poking the hole with your tongue? And I don't trust easily. I dislike people, but, right now, I need you to stay, okay?”

“I think you need the opposite,” Thor forced himself to say as he disentangled himself from Loki. Once free, he didn't waste time walking away. Thor certainly needed the opposite of staying. He couldn't keep doing this to himself. His father never said if it was possible for Loki to regain his memories. Maybe it wasn't. And maybe it was time to face that. Loki was happy with this life. Why bother him? Loki probably wouldn’t be happy to see Thor if he remembered, anyway. Thor couldn't bear to see Loki think of his past self with such resentment. 

“I'll turn eighteen in two weeks,” Loki called. 

Thor stopped walking, rubbed his face with his hands, and looked at Loki over his shoulder. “Age of majority, correct?”

Face blank, Loki replied, “Yeah. I thought you'd like to know, New Natasha,” before he, too, turned his back to walk away.

~°•°~

“You went out to meet him, didn't you?”

This time, Thor was not surprised to encounter Natasha on his way in. He had been more or less expecting it. “Was it the day of the Back to School Festival, today, or did Peter say I was searching for him?”

Natasha’s eyebrows climbed up her forehead. “You're not surprised.”

It wasn't a question.

Thor took a seat at the table and rested his head on top of his crossed arms. “I think it would be an insult to assume you hadn't noticed with how often I’ve been talking to him.”

After a pause, Natasha confessed, “The festival. I saw him come out from behind a tree and then you a few minutes later.”

Thor picked up the bulldog-shaped salt shaker for inspection. “Today was the last time. I gave him some of Loki's notes on seiðr he was interested in. They're just basic spells. Nothing you should worry about. I assume you wish to know why?”

Natasha crossed her arms over her chest, but when she spoke, it was a gentle murmur. “There's something you're not telling me about Loki. You aren’t the first to confuse Luke with your brother. Clint made the same mistake, thought I had been brainwashed. I convinced him otherwise. Clint and Steve share my view. Luke's a sweet kid, though misguided sometimes.”

Thor sighed, tilting the salt shaker to the right and then to the left with his index finger. “Loki’s sentence was to be reborn as a human. I am confident that Luke is his reincarnation.”

Natasha didn't blink before replying, “Is that a common sentence in Asgard?”

“I believe Loki was the first to receive it. I was informed of it after finding Loki's cell empty and demanding his whereabouts. That's why I'm on... ‘probation,’ I think Stark called it.”

She brushed her hair out of her face. “Can you believe that I was willing to dismiss it as a coincidence? There are people that look alike, sure, why couldn't that be the case here? How could I have assumed it was a case of rebirth? Not even when what remained of SHIELD took out Loki's files. You know the list of Loki’s skills you turned in during the invasion? That's what we used to train Luke. And, God, Strange called it. He said that was Asgardian magic, but I didn't listen.”

Thor's stomach churned. Where was this coming from? “Did Luke do something? When I left him, he didn't remember anything of being Loki.”

“Everything's quiet, but this is... a blow to my ego.” She chuckled, shaking her head slowly.

“If it’s any comfort, I'm not sure it’s possible for him to remember.”

Natasha paused. “So, what are you trying to get out of this?”

Thor shrugged, pushed the salt shaker back to its place, and left for his room. 


	8. Chapter 8

“I know you're there,” Thor called as he observed the new celebration Stark had pressured him into being a part of with his daughter’s big puppy eyes. The little menaces were now running around in costumes, getting their sticky hands on as many candies as they could, and Thor couldn't even resent them because some of them were dressed as him. He didn't deny that they were adorable, but he did prefer to watch them from a safe distance. Something Loki could appreciate until he didn't.

“So I am,” Loki replied before stepping out from behind a tree and sitting next to Thor. “I want to show you what I've learned, but you haven't been picking up. I also wanted to show you this.” Loki dangled a watch in front of Thor’s face. “Stole it last week.”

“Won't that get you in trouble with your parents?” Thor asked sardonically.

“Obviously, but I'm good at hiding these things. Look.” Loki pocketed the watch and opened his palm. A small green flame ignited in the centre of Loki's palm and steadily grew until it took the crude shape of a person. “I've been very disciplined.”

Thor nodded approvingly despite himself. “That was one of Loki's favourite accompaniments for his storytelling.”

“He wrote that. Do you have more of his notes?”

“A few.”

“Could I have them?”

Thor patted Loki's knee. “I'll send them to you in an email later tonight.”

“No, I meant if you could... are you still mad at me?”

“I'm mourning. You will learn the difference in time.”

Loki grabbed Thor by the wrist and Thor, thinking that Loki was about to push him off, didn't protest. Instead, Loki raised Thor’s arm and slipped beneath it before dropping his head on Thor’s shoulder. “I won't move from here until you talk to me. And you want to know why my plan is perfect?”

Thor rolled his eyes. “Why?”

“Because if I fall asleep, you won’t have the heart to leave me here, and you don't know where I live, so you can't take me there.”

“I'm sorry to tell you this, Luke, but I have been trained since boyhood to stand against hardship. You, on the other hand, will have to move from here the moment you feel the first pangs of hunger.”

“Yeah, but you don't have the heart to let it get to that point either.”

“You will need to pee. What do you say to that?”

“I'm not shy.”

Thor laughed, giving Loki's shoulder a playful squeeze. “I know you're not.” He dropped his head on top of Loki's. “You're really something else. Natasha knows of this, by the way.”

“You told her?” Loki asked, sounding almost offended. But, that couldn't be right. 

“She saw you here the day of the festival. She will probably see you again today. I told her we weren't meeting again.”

“Why?” Loki demanded.

“Because we are not. You shouldn't be here to begin with.”

Loki bunched his hands in his pants. “Why not?”

_ Because I can't do this to myself any longer. I can't bear to look at you knowing that you're not the Loki I know. The Loki that used to be my brother. I can't keep pretending that I don’t know you because you do not remember me. _

“Because I shouldn't be distracting you from your studies, nor can I distract you from the rest of your life when I can be called back to Asgard at any time. I, too, am subordinate to my parents, and I have duties that I have been neglecting for too long.”

“That isn't fair.”

“Nothing is fair in this life, Luke.”

“You knew this when you began searching for me. You can't just change your mind and leave. You said you wouldn't be like Natasha.”

“I came to Earth searching for my brother, but I have come to see the futility of my plan. That's the truth.”

“That's it?”

“That's all there has ever been to it.”

“But, what about me?”

Thor frowned, rubbing Loki's arm and pushing Loki slightly closer to him. “What about you?”

“Where do I fit into this?”

If Loki had not reached that conclusion himself, Thor could hardly tell him. Honestly, who said, “I thought you were my brother, but now I realise he was killed the moment he was turned into you”? No, of course Thor couldn't say that. 

“Nevermind,” Loki amended. “That was a stupid question. You thought I was Loki. Now that you have seen that I'm not, you're getting rid of me. But, that's okay because life's never fair.”

“Exactly,” Thor would have said if this were truly Loki. But, because he was not, Thor would have added what he'd have said if Loki hadn't shouted at him to leave him alone back in the dungeons: “But you were my brother once, and you no longer are. You can't use that excuse anymore.” And, who said that?

“Do I make you uncomfortable?”

Loki lifted his head from Thor’s shoulder and gaped at him. “That's how you're changing the topic?”

“If you answer, you'll see that I'm not.”

Loki tucked a strand of hair behind his ear as a soft blush spread across his cheeks. “In a weird, nice kind of way, yeah.” Thor took a deep breath to assure himself that he hadn't misread this whole thing and slipped the arm previously around Loki's shoulders under Loki's armpit and his other arm beneath Loki's knees. Then, it was a matter of taking advantage of Loki's surprise to pull him into Thor’s lap, making Loki yelp. “Fuck, Thor, you asshole,” Loki shouted. “You can't tell me we're not seeing each other again and then do this. That's not how it works.”

With his heart beating miles per hour, Thor chuckled and murmured in Loki's ear, “The problem with your perfect plan is that you didn't count with me wanting you to stay and pester me.”

Although Loki did try to discreetly snuggle closer to Thor, he angled his face away from Thor, glaring at anyone that dared look in their direction. “I'm mad at you now, just so you know.”

Thor pressed a kiss to Loki's temple and buried his nose in Loki's hair, most of his tension slipping from his muscles at the familiar smell of lavender. Some things didn't change. Loki's feelings weren't one of those things, though. As far as Thor knew, Loki could have a different idea in mind about what this was. Like the opposite of Thor, Loki stiffened instead of relaxing. They hadn't exactly discussed this formally, but hadn't they tiptoed around it? He had lost his brother, but this was an aspect of their relationship Thor could yet salvage. Or, rather, re-establish after centuries of neglect. 

“Would you mind reminding me why this is wrong?”

“With pleasure,” Loki replied gruffly after a shocked pause, which let Thor know he probably did misread the whole thing and, like always, was the only one feeling like this. “My parents would hate you for three reasons: you're a Norse god, you’re an Avenger, and you’re old as fuck.”

“I thought there were only two?” Thor asked teasingly, running a hand along Loki’s hip, hoping Loki would relax. Against his better judgement, he allowed himself to feel just a tad better than he did an hour ago, but not by much. 

“There are three now, so shut up. I'm a high school student in pursuit of higher education while you’re an alien that will live for who knows how long. Isn't that what you said? And wasn’t that why your relationship with Dr. Foster went to shit?”

“It didn't go ‘to shit.’ We’re friends now,” Thor admonished half-heartedly.

Loki rolled his eyes. “Even better. Finally, I do look like your brother, which is creepy to think about. For multiple reasons.” Loki chewed his lower lip and looked up at Thor, eyes wide. “My parents don't know I like men. I don’t know what their position is on that. When you asked about impressing them, I didn't think you were actually serious. I thought I was like your little brother.”

“No, that was truly a jest. If you want honesty, Luke, I'm not sure what you are to me. I've found it's better not to question it. And, for what it's worth, I don't believe my father knows I like both.”

Loki's eyebrows rose. “You’re lying. You don't get this old and keep that a secret.”

Thor kissed Loki's forehead, basking in the liberty of having Loki this close, holding him, and showering him with affection, even if he wasn't the Loki Thor knew. Loki's forehead creased, presumably debating with himself if this was the change he sought. Thor left him to it and returned his attention to the Halloween Festival. Loki's presence in his lap was perfect for scaring away both the children and the parents in their vicinity, which caused guilt to flicker inside Thor. The children had probably been looking forward to meeting him, and Thor was depriving them of that, but he couldn't bring himself to feel completely guilty about it. Not when he finally had Loki in his arms again, even if it wasn't really his Loki. And, well, Loki hadn't said if this was okay.

“He does have a nice ass,” Loki muttered to himself.

Thor followed Loki's gaze to where Stark had finally convinced Steve to come out wearing his old uniform. “Steve? I suppose he does.”

“What is he doing?”

Thor squinted. “Trying to stop the public hazards from climbing up his arms, I think.”

“Did you call those kids ‘public hazards’?” Loki shook his head with a smile and stretched. “Anyway, I thought it'd take longer to get you to talk to me, so I convinced my mom to let me stay at my imaginary friend's house. I should go climb into Sabrina's room before she gets home.”

“And do what to her?”

“Oh, nothing. Finding me in her room will be enough to scare her. She'll think I'm a thief, which I technically am. Happens all the time.”

Thor's grip on Loki tightened. “You said you thought it'd take longer.” Loki nodded although Thor doubted he understood what he was truly asking. “I'll have to stop talking to you, then.”

Loki stared at Thor for a long time, face frozen in a disbelieving look until realization dawned on him. That didn't stop him from climbing off Thor’s lap and returning to his previous seat. “Works for me.”

~°•°~

Loki giggled as he fell face-first on the bed, limbs spread out, intent on occupying as much space as he could. Thor breathed out a laugh as he closed the door behind him and gave Loki a once-over. Loki had apparently decided that since he wasn't expected home that night, why leave? 

Centuries had passed since the last time Thor had Loki in his bed, and although this time was nothing like the times before it, something settled in Thor’s chest at the sight of Loki splayed out on the mattress, eyes closed, a happy sigh escaping his lips. How Thor missed this. What Thor would give for this to be a daily sight once more. He wouldn't mind the disputes over space, the quilt, or the pillows. He wouldn't mind the arguments about the room being either too warm or too cold. He wouldn't even protest about Loki placing his cold feet on his legs. He wouldn't fight Loki until he managed to slip Loki's feet into socks, which Loki for some reason hated. Even now, Loki used one foot to take off his shoe on the other foot and repeated the process with his socks, letting them fall helpless to the floor. 

Loki mumbled, “This bed has no right to be this soft. It offends me.”

Thor chuckled as he walked to his closet before taking off his shoes and taking out a pair of pyjamas. “If you hadn't decided to turn invisible and molest Stark, we could have asked him to let you sleep in a guest room.”

Loki pouted. “Where would be the fun in that?”

“I hope those clothes are comfortable,” Thor told Loki before entering his bathroom. 

“I'm tired enough to not care,” Loki called from the other side of the door. 

Thor quickly slipped out of his clothes and pulled on his pyjamas, briefly remembering how Loki had dedicated the last few hours to run around the backyard stealing candies from the children's bags and poking and pinching Stark. Thor then rushed to brush his teeth before returning to the bedroom and poking Loki to get him to move over and make space for him on the bed. 

“No. Leave me alone,” Loki whined. “You're trained for hardship. You can sleep on the floor.”

“I can also sleep on top of you,” Thor suggested matter-of-factly.

“Ugh. Fine.”

Loki rolled over to one half of the bed and didn't bother with tucking himself under the covers. He barely gave Thor enough time to turn off the lights and find a comfortable position before rolling back to the center of the bed, unmindful of where his limbs ended. As promised, Thor didn't protest, even though he didn't see the need for Loki to sleep in what could only be an uncomfortable position. Loki realised it not long after, whining as he slid under the covers and, as predicted, pressed his freezing feet on Thor’s legs.

“You are a menace,” Thor grumbled. 

“And with pride.”

Should he take another leap of faith? The one he had taken earlier, pulling Loki into his lap, had been a major one. Would wrapping Loki in his arms be too much? Probably. But would it be enough to push Loki away? Thor had gotten pretty far with Loki today, especially considering Thor hadn't planned to see him again. Last time was supposed to be that. The final time. The time when Thor thought about how he would apologise to his father and Loki went back to enjoying his mortal life without Thor’s interference. Yes, Thor had accomplished much today, but he had not advanced in the direction he truly wanted. He was now close to Loki, without any plan or even an idea of how to restore his memories. Their mother wouldn't have approved Loki's rebirth if there was no way for Loki to return to Asgard. Restoring Loki's memories had to be possible. 

In the end, Thor’s breath caught in his throat, muscles being pulled tight as a bow, when Loki made the decision for him by burying his face in the crook of Thor's neck, mumbling, “Headache. Get to work.”

_ So that's another thing that no longer bothers you. For your convenience _ , Thor thought as he shifted to make the position of massaging Loki's scalp less awkward. Loki, being a mind reader in his own right, said, “You can tell me more about him if you want,” after stretching and humming his contentment. 

“I thought there was a ‘buzz’ in your head when I did that?”

“Mm-hmm. It's still there. But, I've been having trouble falling asleep for a while, so might as well.”

Thor rolled his eyes. “Ever so humble, so kind.”

“Yup. That's me.”

Thor continued to rub small circles in Loki's scalp, applying just a bit of pressure, before deciding, “I don't want to. It would be uncomfortable, as you say.”

It was probably better this way. 

Loki mumbled, “Sorry for asking.”

Thor was sorry that he had lost interest in restoring Loki, his memories, his godhood, his identity. Well, not interest, but motivation. Thor was suffering a terrible lack of motivation at the moment. After all, Loki thought his punishment didn't “sound so bad.” So, why bother?

_ Because he will die _ , a voice from deep within Thor's mind whispered.

Thor opted to ignore it and snuggle closer to Loki. 

~°•°~

Stark turned to stare at Loki when he slipped into a chair at the table for breakfast. “Aren't you Natasha's kid? Luke, wasn't it?”

Loki nodded, yawned, and dropped his head on his arms. With a chuckle, Thor sat next to him and threaded a hand through the tangled, silky strands of black hair. Loki hadn't been lying when he said he suffered from weird dreams. Thor hadn’t asked what they were about, had simply pulled Loki close to him when Loki woke up disoriented. A few times, Loki struggled weakly before succumbing to sleep once more. It wasn't a good night.

“He stayed here last night,” Thor informed Stark at the man’s poorly veiled curiosity. They had decided that there was no point in sneaking Loki out of the Compound since Natasha knew they had been seeing each other for months.

Stark cocked his head, eyebrows raised. “You do look like Thor's brother. What's that about?”

“According to Thor, I'm his reincarnation.”

“Luke,” Thor pleaded. “Stop.”

“Sounds reasonable.” Stark nodded. Thor didn't see what was “reasonable" about it. And since when did Loki choose to go with “reincarnation”?

“Luke. What are you doing here?” Steve greeted when he entered the kitchen, walking to a kitchen cabinet to take out a pan.

“Waiting to be fed,” Loki replied sweetly, swinging his legs back and forth.

“Oh, you're lucky, then. I'm the one cooking. Today's Pepper's day off, and Tony would burn the kitchen.”

“Hey! I resent that.”

Steve shrugged. “And neither Natasha nor Thor cooks. Banner rarely joins us.”

“Neither do the rest of the Avengers. It's only the old people around here these days,” Stark added with pointed looks to Steve and Thor.

Natasha was the next to come into the kitchen. Thor expected her to say something about how Loki shouldn’t be here or her behaviour towards Loki to change now that she believed Thor about Luke being Loki. Neither happened. Natasha sat on Loki’s other side and ruffled his hair. “Thor tells me you've been learning new things.”

Loki darted a look at Thor, eyes wide with excitement and hope, before he began to chatter animatedly about what he had learnt so far from the notes he wrote in another life. 

This was the type of scene that discouraged Thor from trying to come up with a solid plan. There was no denying that Loki was happy with his mortal life. That would change the moment the full extent of his memories threatened to return. 

Perhaps that should be Thor’s next step, then. Giving Loki the choice of whether or not he wanted to remember.


	9. Chapter 9

“And that's why we celebrate Christmas,” Sabrina finished with a soft smile and a sweep of her arms, gesturing to the Christmas decorations being hung around the café.

“That's... a nice story,” Thor said. It was certainly different from what he'd heard before. The humans usually told him a story about the birth of Jesus, but now they were telling him it was about publicity and making money. Perhaps “different” didn’t cover it.

The café's bell chimed as the door swung open to admit Loki inside. Lips pressed together in a thin line, Loki didn't waste a second before striding toward their table and tapping his finger on Sabrina’s shoulder. “Alright. Get up from my seat.”

Sabrina rolled her eyes but complied. “This is why you don't have friends, Luke.” Loki glared at her in the way only he could, but, despite the initial stumble, Sabrina was unfazed. “I've told you not to come in one of your moods.”

“What's wrong?” Thor asked, one hand reaching for Loki's as Sabrina walked away to the counter. 

Loki slammed his journal on the table, checking that Sabrina was out of earshot and whispering furiously, “You had sex with your brother.”

“Luke, I...” Thor shook his head. “I don’t deny it.”

“Did you know he wrote about that here? And you gave it to me anyway? What the fuck, Thor?”

Thor smiled sheepishly. “I don’t suppose that mentioning Loki was adopted helps?”

Against what should be possible, Loki's glare intensified, making Thor cringe. “He’s very descriptive.”

“Of course he was,” Thor replied meekly, shoulders rising towards his ears. “Loki was good with words. That's why he was said to have a silver tongue.”

“Oh, and that's all. No other reason?” Loki asked sarcastically, gripping the journal so hard his knuckles turned white. “Why did you give me this?”

Thor sighed, his energy rushing out of him. “You know why.” He reached across the table to squeeze Loki's other hand. “Would you prefer to discuss this in a more private setting?”

Loki's shoulders slumped, though he looked no less furious. “My parents are at one of my dad’s friends’ birthday party. They're likely to get home late.”

Thor gave another squeeze to Loki’s hand and nodded, ready to follow Loki wherever he chose to go. “I'm sorry. I should have warned you about that.”

“Just hurry up.”

~°•°~

_“There. Take it,” Thor said, pushing Loki's journal into Loki's hands. Before whatever they had started got any further, perhaps before it had a chance to truly begin considering they embarked on this path just yesterday, Thor wished to get rid of this burden. That was what this whole affair with Loki was. A burden neither of them asked for, chaining them to the pit of a well, the water slowly rising until they drowned. At least that was how it felt for Thor after their shared breakfast with Stark, Steve, and Natasha. “I do believe you are Loki reincarnated. That was your journal. I stole it from your chambers before coming to Earth. I'm sorry about that, but at least it will be helpful to you now. It contains the notes you were asking about yesterday.”_

_Loki eyed his journal with suspicion and scepticism, weighting it in his hands and flipping through its pages. “Right. Not weird or creepy at all.”_

_“It's enchanted like every book in Asgard. Hearing one word in English will prompt the journal into translating its content to English. It also spans centuries of your past life. It holds more memories than it pretends to do.”_

_“Thor, I...” Loki bit his lower lip. “I'm not sure about this.” Thor pulled on Loki's wrist, prompting Loki to lower himself to sit on his lap, legs bracketing his waist. Loki sighed and pressed their foreheads together. Thor’s hand cupped the back of Loki' head on instinct. “Don't talk as if we were the same person. I'm not there yet.”_

_Thor’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach, staying there even as he met Loki's soft lips in a clumsy kiss that showed Loki's inexperience. He nipped Loki's lower lip before pulling away, his grip on Loki tightening by a fraction. Loki's forehead furrowed in uncertainty, and Thor couldn't blame him, feeling unsure himself about the steps they were taking. “It's hard to believe, I know. But I need you to read that journal. Could you do that for me?”_

That way, if you don’t remember, you will at least know how we used to be. You will be able to tell me if it's fair for me to take you away from this life. 

_“It doesn't sound like I have much of a choice. But what if I do turn out to be him? Will you still hold me like this?” Loki emphasized his question with a thrust of his hips, and although Thor didn't deny the interest the motion sparked in him, it wasn't what was on the forefront of his mind._

_Thor pressed his ear to Loki's chest, where he could hear his heart beating a little faster than it should, but alive nonetheless. He closed his eyes and let the sound wash over him. “I told you yesterday. I stopped questioning it a long time ago.”_

~°•°~

Loki locked the door of his bedroom behind him and shoved his hair back away from his face. He let his journal drop to the floor and wrapped his arms around himself. Thor’s heart ached at the desolate look that crossed Loki's face. “I don't think I actually believe I was him in my past life, but reading about you having sex with him makes me feel... violated.”

“Your privacy, yes, I know how you love your privacy. I'm sorry about that, but you were gone. I didn't know if I would see you again. I didn't have any other way to know what pushed you to do what you did.”

Breathing heavily, Loki slammed his fists on the door. “It wasn't me! I didn't kill all those people. I'm a thief and a liar, but I'm not a murderer.”

Thor approached Loki with measured steps and grasped his arms, slowly pulling him into his arms when he didn't protest. “You're Luke. I know. That's why Father sent you here. You will always be Luke moving forward, but you were Loki once. Being Loki again doesn't mean Luke will be gone.”

Loki shook his head. “It’s not about my privacy. It's... it's very odd. I feel like I did live through that. Like you stole my virginity. Stop laughing!”

Thor muffled his laughter on Loki's hair and tightened his grip on him in case Loki tried to escape. “You stormed into the café as if I had cheated on you because reading about me having sex with my brother, whom you used to be, makes you feel like I stole you virginity?”

“Yes,” Loki hissed. 

Thor laughed harder, trying and failing to suppress his mirth when Loki began to squirm. This wasn't what he had expected to be the problem. “I can assure you that Loki was no virgin and that this doesn't make you any less of a virgin.”

Loki pushed against Thor’s chest, and Thor, in his fit of laughter, let him go. “It doesn't feel like that! I was _explicit_.”

“Ha!” Thor shouted in triumph. “You said ‘I was.’ ”

“Oh, shut up,” Loki snapped, bypassed Thor, and flopped down on the edge of his bed. He looked at the ceiling with his arms crossed over his chest. “And for your information, before you can cheat on me, we have to be in a relationship.”

Thor sat next to Loki and knocked their knees together. “What are we, then?”

“I prefer not to use labels right now.” Thor laid down on his side facing Loki and played with a strand of Loki's hair, getting Loki to look at him. “What happens if I remember being Loki?”

“Your sentence would have been fulfilled. Your godhood and your title would be restored. Perhaps once you feel remorse for your actions.”

“I didn't commit those crimes.”

“I _know_ , but that was the purpose of this, Luke. I was forbidden from interfering with your life because you were supposed to realize you used to be Loki on your own to feel the horror of those crimes. It’s possible that's the reason why Father placed you here in New York. I'm not sure.”

“Thor, I refuse to take responsibility for actions that, as far as I'm concerned, aren't mine.”

Thor sighed. “I understand.”

“You really don't,” Loki stated before crawling towards the headboard. 

Thor followed him and used Loki's shoulder as a pillow, breathing in the familiar scent of lavender. Loki's preferences hadn't undergone any significant changes. “Explain it to me.”

“When I dream, I'm either blind and can't breathe, or I'm trapped in an all white room and my head’s throbbing, and I don’t want to go back there. To either place. Because I now know they aren't dreams. I don't want to remember how I got there.” Loki shifted to lay on his side, displacing Thor's head, but he allowed Thor to wrap his arms around him and press them chest-to-back. “I don’t want to remember,” Loki continued, voice wavering, “how you held me down with a knee on my back as my mouth was sewn shut.”

Thor screwed his eyes shut, breathing deeply through his nose. That wasn't a good memory for him either, though his recollection paled next to Loki's. He knew that. Loki's lips were sewn shut for a hundred days, but he refused to be in Thor’s presence for a decade. “I should have known you reached that point. That's what truly upset you, isn't it?”

“You shoved your cock up my ass and a week later you helped the dwarves stitch my lips together because I cut your girlfriend’s beautiful, golden hair.”

Loki shook his head throughout Thor’s reply.

“No, Loki. You know there was more to it than that. You wagered your head, for one. You provoked Brokkr and Eitri. You had what you went there to obtain, but you taunted them by insulting their skills, claiming they couldn't craft something as fine as what the Sons of Ivaldi had. Nobody told you to wager your head. And, Sif was never my girlfriend.”

“You're excusing your actions. Just like you did back then.”

“I wronged you that day. I know,” Thor murmured in Loki's ear before brushing Loki's hair away from his neck to press kisses along the column of pale skin. “Loki, brother, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

“I'm _Luke_. Not your brother.”

Thor huffed in exasperation even as he snuggled impossibly closer to Loki. “You're confusing me.”

“That's because I haven't made up my mind yet,” Loki grumbled, pressing one of Thor’s palms over his heart, where he knew Thor liked it to rest. 

Thor looked heavenward. “Right. You're right. I don’t understand you.”

Thor felt Loki's smirk against his skin when Loki kissed his hand. “Told you.”

Why did Loki have to be so difficult? It was understandable, and Thor was supposed to be understanding, but they had been going back and forth for weeks. This was a delicate topic for him, and that must also be true for Loki, but Loki was stomping on Thor’s hope only to fuel it again. Thor wouldn’t put it past Loki to be enjoying it. On one hand, today was the first time Luke talked about Loki in the first person. His mood swings toward Thor, however, were nothing new. On the other hand, Loki seemed to not be any closer to reaching a conclusion after today's development. And that was okay. Thor wasn't rushing him. Thor could wait for as long as Loki needed him to wait, but it would be a lie to say this wasn't killing Thor a little. Unfortunately, whilst Thor did have all the time in the world, the same couldn't be said for Loki. 

“I don’t want to see you die,” Thor whispered.

“That's a weird thing to hear when you’re eighteen and healthy.”

“Luke,” Thor pleaded, tightening his grip on the lithe body in his arms. Resilient, yet delicate, and eventually frail. Decrepit in less than a century. Should he tell Loki that the short human lifespan contributed to the termination of his relationship with Jane? Thor hadn’t been able to bear the wrinkles and the wayward grey hairs. He wasn't ready. He wouldn’t be ready. Much less if it was Loki. 

Loki exhaled shakily. “I know that watching your parents die is the natural course of life, but it wouldn't just be my parents. It would be everything and everyone for me. I'm not ready to leave them yet.”

“You wouldn't have to leave them.” Thor rushed to assure. “You are not obliged to return to Asgard. Nothing would stop you from fulfilling your human life. Except for the last part where you die. You wouldn't do that for millennia.”

Loki shifted in Thor's arms to face him. He traced Thor's jaw with the pads of his fingers. “That's what you want.”

Thor caught Loki's wrist and turned his head to kiss Loki's palm, the hand that could weave the most intricate of spells. “Not if it won't make you happy.”

“That's a nice answer,” Loki replied before squishing his cheek against Thor’s chest, one hand bunched in his shirt. “Not sure how good it'll be in practice, though.”

Thor ran his hand up and down Loki's spine, eyelids slowly dropping shut as he felt Loki's breathing even out. Loki, of course, was right. Thor didn't know what he would do if Loki decided to stay. Fortunately, that was one problem for another time.

~°•°~

Thor woke up to knocking on the door, a muffled voice, and the room bathed in darkness. 

“Luke, baby? It's dinner time.”

Loki jolted upright, pushing against Thor’s chest as he struggled to disentangle himself from Thor’s limbs. “Fuck. Get in the closet, Thor.”

Thor didn't question him, rolling off the bed and reaching the closet in one stride. He slid inside as quickly as he could without being noisy, body buzzing with giddiness at the absurdity of their situation.

“A minute, Mom!” Loki shouted before Thor heard his muffled steps and the door being opened.

“What have we told you about the door? It's always the door with you,” the woman Thor assumed was Loki's human mother replied.

“Hey, you can come in if you want. Check I'm not hiding any girls in here.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Luke. There's just no need for you to lock the door as if... oh, baby, did I wake you? Are you taking your medication?”

“I'm fine. Don't worry about it. I'll be down there in five, okay?”

Then, the door was closed and the lights turned on. Next thing Thor knew, he was looking up into Loki's grinning face. Thor couldn't help but grin back. 

“I swear I thought they were coming home at midnight at least. But, on the bright side, I always wanted to hide someone in my closet, so... welcome to my closet, pet.” Loki patted Thor on the head, and Thor, of course, let him. “ I can now add this to the list of cliché things I've done. I'll try to bring you something, but my mom’s really strict about eating in the bedroom. Says it brings bugs.” Loki's grin broadened. “Enjoy the closet! I'll be mad if you leave.”

And Thor, of course, stayed. He couldn't begrudge Loki any of it. 


	10. Chapter 10

If Thor had thought the café was cozy before, then he was being introduced to a new meaning of the word now that all the Christmas decorations had been hung up. Thor had seen many places during Christmas time with Natasha. It tended to be the time of year when they travelled to various cities, visiting orphanages. According to Natasha, their visits made the children even happier when they saw it as a Christmas gift, and the toys sent by Stark Industries made the children even happier. Thor thought he was finally beginning to understand why. 

“Sabrina’s mom is in love with Christmas,” Loki informed him across the table, flipping the page of his journal. His brows knitted, frowning at something on the page. Thor’s curiosity sparked. He knew Loki was almost done. Loki had always been a fast reader. But, another thing that hadn’t changed was Loki's hate of having his reading interrupted. 

“Sabrina, too,” Thor muttered, not expecting a reply, and took a sip of his hot chocolate before placing the cup back on the table for Loki to steal. 

Loki darted a look to the counter, where Sabrina was smiling, a Christmas hat on top of her chocolate curls. “Her favorite time of year. Mostly because of the gifts.”

Well, if Loki was in the mood to talk…

“What about you?”

“I'm not particularly fond of the cold, so not winter time. I don’t actually care, though.” Loki tilted his head to the cup formerly belonging to Thor and then to the counter. “Go buy another one.”

To Loki's dismay, Thor ruffled his hair before making his way to Sabrina, whose eyebrows rose at the scene. “He's got you trained.”

“I know,” Thor replied simply, because he did know, even though that was something he found himself saying often nowadays. In this case, he liked pampering Loki. 

Her eyes narrowed a fraction. It happened with increasing frequency these days. People wondering if they were together or what. The humans had been trying for a couple weeks to figure out who was the raven-haired man travelling the streets of New York with Thor, but Loki’s face appeared blurred on any and all pictures people managed to snap of them. The media was beginning to grow frustrated as more and more gossip circulated the internet. Some argued that they couldn't be a couple because Mystery Man didn't fit Thor tastes; others said that if they had their eyes set on Thor, they could give up now. Another handful that had seen Thor and Loki up-close said that Mystery Man was really just a boy, so everyone could drop it already. Thor didn't care much about any of that, but it was a source of endless amusement for Loki when he and Thor decided to check how the discussion was faring. For Loki, Thor had agreed to help him diffuse some rumours of their own. 

So, as it stood, they had decided to let people think what they wished to think. They would neither confirm nor deny any assumptions made about them. That was what they had decided after Loki hid him in the closet and convinced him to stay the night against Thor’s better judgement only to almost get caught again in the morning and return to the closet. At least, Loki had insisted, this gave Thor the chance to feel young again, and Thor, to make up for Loki not being able to keep him in his closet as his pet, had let Loki give him another handful of pats on his head. 

Loki thought himself so funny. 

Speaking of which, Loki asked, “Thor, remember the day of the closet?”

“How could I forget?” Thor countered. “I don’t get the chance to feel like a youth every other day.”

Loki grinned, set his journal aside, and interlaced their fingers together before his amusement died on his face. “I've been thinking about what you said that day. About feeling remorse. I feel sorry about the people that died, were wounded, or lost someone, sure. I'm not cold-hearted. But I don't think I can feel remorse for actions that don't feel like my own. And, I mean, they aren't.”

Thor squeezed Loki’s hand as a tingling sense of dread spread across his chest. “I won't lie, Luke. I don't know what Father wants of you.”

Loki gave a noncommittal hum, averting his gaze. “There's actually somewhere I want you to take me.”

“Name it.”

At that point in time, Loki's desire to visit the monument erected in the name of those fallen during the Battle of New York had looked like a good sign. Four days later, after discussing it with Jane, it still looked like a leap forward. It was a request Thor could not deny, but one that perhaps he should have. No point in dwelling on that. Loki would have gone either way. With or without Thor, there was no stopping Loki when an idea took root in his mind. 

So, with only minor apprehension swimming around in his head, Thor stood a few feet away from Loki, hands in the pockets of his jacket, gaze trained on Loki. He watched as Loki traced a finger through the engraved letters of names belonging to faceless people against white marble. He wondered what the blackness of not knowing conjured in Loki's mind, if it meant anything at all, if there was a purpose to this venture. He wondered, most of all, as the thing that truly mattered, how this would affect Loki's view of the person he used to be. Although Thor had initially been reluctant to hand over the journal to Loki, he realised that the journal and this monument were probably the best chances he had of leaving an impression on Loki—something that would keep them moving forward. 

At a few sparkles of green seiðr, Thor walked toward Loki with measured steps, trying to not look like something was wrong despite how his breath caught in his throat with every step forward. He wrapped one arm around Loki's waist and enclosed Loki's wrist with his free hand, pulling the hand flickering with seiðr away from the white marble. At Loki’s lack of reaction, Thor called both the name he always knew and the name he came to know. Both were met with silence. 

Thor never asked how the lives of Loki's human parents were endangered. One of his mistakes. 

Thor tilted Loki's head in his direction, catching a glimpse of a tear travelling down Loki's cheek before Loki jerked his head to the side. Thor rested his chin on Loki's shoulder and spoke softly. “I love you either way. Even if you're not the brother I remember.”

“You don't  _ know _ that.”

“Why wouldn't I know it?”

Loki snorted and allowed Thor to steer him away from the monument. “You're an idiot. That's why.”

“But you love me,” Thor teased and received a shaky smile in response.

All in all, that day wasn't very different from any other. It began with them at the café, and it ended with them in an ice cream parlor. It began and ended like a normal day. Someone wrote an article asking Thor how it felt to know that his brother’s invasion had killed at least one of his partner’s loved ones, and Thor couldn't blame them. Loki’s invasion had resurfaced in recent years as the cause for the alien invasions that came after and the hybrid technology that was constantly found in the wrong hands. Natasha, too, demanded to know what Thor was thinking when he took Loki to the monument. Simple. Thor thought Loki's tears would help their father see that being reborn had indeed changed Loki. That, if Luke were to ever remember being Loki, he would understand the gravity of his actions.

Loki’s insistence that Thor talk to him on the phone until he fell asleep wasn't out of the ordinary either. 

~°•°~

The final decision came on Christmas Eve, reflecting Loki’s love for all things poetic, and, perhaps because he now knew what that decision meant, Thor would say it was not at all surprising. Loki had been jumpy and fidgety all day. No matter how many Thor asked what was on his mind, Loki would not tell him. Until he did. In a corner of the room, away from the prying eyes of the Compound’s inhabitants. 

It was imprinted in his mind, Thor knew. The feeling of Loki's silky hair tangled in his fingers, his smooth lips moving slowly against Thor’s. The way Loki hesitantly pulled away and Thor’s arms twitched with the desire to pull him back in. How Thor’s eyes burnt with tears as he tried to stay in the here and now, to keep the tears from spilling down his cheeks. 

“This doesn't change anything, right?”

Thor cupped Loki's face and kissed his forehead. “I love you either way, Luke.”

“And I can keep the journal?”

“It's yours. It isn't right of me to take it from it’s rightful owner.”

Loki nodded, biting his lower lip. What he did now instead of picking at the skin of his palm. “I'll still see you in two days?”

The corners of Thor’s mouth lifted, his smile not wavering for a second. He learnt from the best, after all. “Café at three, correct?”

Loki gave another little nod and pushed two letters Thor hadn't noticed before into his hands. “Your parents were my parents once, too. I think this is the least I can do.”

Thor dipped his head. “Mother will be thankful to know you’re happy. Thank you, Luke. It will help her.”

Loki looked away and raised his thumb to chew on it. Gently, Thor grabbed his wrist and pulled it away from his mouth, getting Loki to look at him again. “Thor, about the journal’s last entry, I don’t think that he... that  _ I _ was a monster. That isn't why I decided this.”

Again, Thor smiled. “I know.”

It appeared that was the only thing Thor knew how to say. 

Loki pressed a kiss to Thor’s cheek and another one to the corner of his mouth. “I guess I'll see you on Friday, then. I promised my family I'd be back by eight, so I really should get going.”

Loki grabbed his jacket and Thor walked him to the door, watching as Loki slipped his arms into the jacket before disappearing into the night. The good thing of having Loki's seiðr at his beck and call was that, unlike the person who wielded it, it remembered. It saved this version of Loki centuries of studying and training. 

After staring long enough into the nothingness now left before him that he forgot when he began crying, after he heard the shout to close the door, Thor bypassed the boisterous laughter and the light atmosphere of merriment on his way to his room. Unbidden and unwanted, the memory of the day he took Loki to the monument rose in his mind. The memory of how his arm had rested around Loki’s shoulder as they walked away from the white marble despite the impracticality of their position. The memory of how tears had spilled down Loki's cheeks as he, Thor now knew, grieved ever being Loki. 

The memory arose enough bitter resentment in Thor that Heimdall didn't question him before opening the Bifröst the next day. And when his mother clutched Loki's letter to her chest, ugly sobs tearing themselves from her throat while his father stared at his own letter, neither doubted that this was the last time Thor abided by one of their decrees. 

Mjölnir left abandoned at the base of the Asgardian throne, waiting to be picked up by someone Thor didn’t care about, was a clear testimony of that final decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it may not sound like a happy ending, but it could be, right? Maybe Thor and Luke end living a mortal life together, or maybe they drift apart. Maybe Luke one day remembers, maybe he doesn't. Right? And so on. It could be a happy ending.


End file.
